Sorry for the absence!

Readers (if any of you left) since the last few months have seen zit no of writeups...i sincerely apologise n ask that you guys be patient till the New year is ushered in.
firstly too many things on my plate at the moment....the the creative juices have been left stewing far too long!
The home we bought this year has been going thru renovation and i cant explain the happiness and frustration that one goes thru while taking up such projects.......not to mention the tiredness and add two kids to the mix only makes one wonder why we do what we do!!!!

Josh is joining primary school and i feel kinda on edge with worry as to how he will cope! so the New year has its share of big bumps ahead.....need to gear for independence day as the first half of the year will see me gone ....albeit late into the bad bad world.(as most of you know iam off to start my course this coming year)

We are leaving for our holiday to India for my broinlaws wedding and christmas.....loads of packing to do...so folks while i clear all the cobwebs on my brain...pleez be patient i will be joining blogging seriously soonish! in the meanwhile Happy holidays folks and have a wonderful year-end!
see ya soon!
all my love,
The mockingbird.

Tuesday's with aunty rachael.

Tomorrow is tuesday and i feel a bit sad...coz for the past 2 months it had become a regular feature for me to end up at lydia's for a tete- a - tete with her mom and us two girls yabbering over tea time and holding fort on any given topic, till either the baby needed attention or it was time for me to get going as the kids were waiting back home.

As the general rule goes , i pretty much get on with most of my friends parents...but with lydia's mom....it was different...she was so on and engaged with life , and though she is very much the epitome of a typical well rounded mom figure...she also is a very sweet and intelligent person, she shared a world view which was very current and she spoke so wonderfully and passionately about any of the issues we discussed ...that i wished for a second why cant ...more indian mothers be like her.......we even managed to share a couple of jokes, i dare say i never thought ,could be shared with a person of her generation( really my views on mothers here is limited to indian moms my non-indian blog readers)

It was so relaxing and fun and i really let my hair down.......they were days when i couldnt make it on tuesdays and promptly lydia would call saying mom is asking you to come tomorrow...the phone would be passed to aunty and we would yabber away...really i never thought anybody could talk so much more than me.

The most important feature was the food that accompanied the chatter and long emotional debates with me taking turns siding either mother or daughter.......i would take along dessert or some snack and ....sometimes it was literally dinner and a show........

Totally loved every minute......i got aunty a gift before she left for india as her time was up in Singapore...(she had come over for lydia's confinement) . she loved the gift and tears welledup in her eyes...its rare to see genuine emotion in a day and age, which abhors sentiment.
before i left she hugged me a really hug believe me and kissed me on both my cheeks...(no arty airy fairy french air kiss) and i felt real affection from her side....for a person who lives far from home and family...i think she really affected me with a fuzzy and wonderful feeling.

Aunty i will miss you something bad......i will really come down to your place in the near future....lydia and i have decided that we will pack our bags and drag the kids for a wonderful holiday in India.....the kids are not gonna stop us from having some wholesome fun and pleez ...if mother and daughter felt no generational or silly stuff like i love my kid but i cant stand to be with them...i think we need to rethink our view.....kids below 5 can be very exhausting....but i think we must start to like being with them.....and when the bond remains ...some smashingly good times can be had in the future.

here's to some good times and aunty rachael!
cheers.

Taxi driver ,me and some odd ends!

The urge to blog is back with a bang, guess its something to do with me finally emerging from the fog after a longtime.
The month of sept started off ok......but then i was being bombarded with loads of bad news , and as usually owing to my fragile state of mind, i had not been able to stomach the stuff.

But breakthroughs happen and i have started to live all over again. the dark cloud of depression and negativity which surrounded me has finally lifted.

I am still a little over sensitive and things easily affect me......but iam only getting stronger everyday! yay!
i owe my recovery to a lot of factors and people..... books, movies,excercise, counselling....but major thanks goes to God( He didnt letup or give up on me) Ash, Pat, Lydia and her mom( without their knowledge) Tara and Hiliyah. i am totally indebted to you folks.


Now for lesser morbid things......heres my incident with the taxi driver......late one evening i was returning home from lydia's place , i was running late and i flagged down a taxi.....to my luck this taxi driver happened to be one of those chatty fellas , we singaporeans are well acquainted with the breed!!!!!
here goes the conversation......
taxi driver: " YOU TEACHER RIGHT"???
me: mmmmm......
taxi driver: " I GUESSED RIGHT DIDNT I"?????
me : mmmm......yeah . you are right iam a teacher you guessed right!

Well people you are right in being shocked ......i dont know what came over me i never lie....well not never but generally i dont if you get the drift.....so here iam blatantly lying....i guess his enthusiam was catching and i didnt want to disillusion him on his powers of deduction.......and i guess heart of hearts i knew well people always say i look like a teacher and that i should not waste my education but teach somewhere.......honestly i would hate to teach ...i dont want to teach.....but i've done my share of teaching.....sunday school..so i guess whatever the reasons......i agreed that i was a teacher and asked him how he had guessed...he said....i looked like a teacher....and that he picked me up in the vicinity of a school.....so he put two and two together......well what can i say it rankled a bit...i hate the idea of me looking like a teacher...do i????? this blog is open to readers to comment freely and tell it too me!!!! i mean teachers always look like they have a stick up their wazooo if i may say so without offending anybody.....( sorry mom and mominlaw...both are teachers by the way) and they also seem very dogmatic and preachy and have very decided opinions on almost all matters......pleez people this is a cry for help....put me out of my misery and tell me that the blasted taxi driver was wrong!!!!

Other newsy stuff , i have been reading a lot of Mary westmacott...the pen name of Agatha christie...while she wrote love stories with a twist instead of her usual dectective novels.... so fellow readers try the books darn good i must say!!!!!
Also been catching up on loads of good movies......people call me for the names too tiring to tell you.....also been improving my bowling skills and spending more time with hubby after eons....loving every bit!
Today went out with kellin and did total girly stuff...never thought it was possible to have fun like that after a longtime.........next friday will be doing it all over again.......looking forward to the yummy " dim sum "(chinese high tea) yay yay yay!
thats all for now
signing off
a bit loopy me!

Never give up!

Iam not an airhead who is trying to talk out of turn, nor am i try to preach to anyone......iam not trying to moralise nor ami trying to sound righteous .....

iam just a person who understands pain and has lost 3 people i know who have given up and not fought with the dark inside of them.
As a person for who the pain of loss is still real i speak from the heart when i say.....folks we all have dark moments....they are times when we are walking that thin line between sanity and insanity. periods of times when the valley of the shadow of death and negativity loom large, when the future has no promise.

People please never for a moment think you are alone.....you dont know how precious you are to many of the people around you. never forget you are unique and many of us cant imagine life without you. If you are hurting too much , seek help, support and friends. Even family!

People, please start being there for your loved ones...make time in a world where 24 hrs is not enough anymore... and work has taken priority over people. Read the signs and when people seek too much time by themselves or want to be left alone...dont believe them...coz sometimes you cant make it on your own. Dont go to far into the dark..that you cant find your way out!

Fight it folks .....Goddamn it fight it! Too long you wallow in the negative you feed the beast.....i urge all my friends......Never give up!
Even when its seems people dont care and you wont be missed...you will be believe me.
Remember when you punish others by hurting yourself the person you hurt the most is yourself and people around. I believe , we live in a world where selfishness....me, myself only matter. please disabuse yourself of this attitude......give and live for others ....soon you all will be happy.

I know right now iam very angry and hurting coz of what has been happening .....Santosh, pritish and now Z ....... i cannot believe that you felt life is so cheap! that your lives were solely yours....No! humanity is tied with other people.....

I dont know about others and if you know i really mean it! But pleez iam there for you my friends and family......remember i am always there....call me, mail me and sms me.
YOU ARE WORTH IT! learn to recieve help!

Z, S,P we miss you sorely. wish you guys hadnt done it! for the rest.....

NEVER GIVE UP! FIGHT ON!

Ordinary Days!

Honestly, nothing much to write coz life at the moment has made a major stop on platform boredom!
Yes apart from the lovely holiday at Mayangsari,which all about lasted two days and faded as soon as it could.....no news worthy stuff has been happening....josh and joey continue to keep me busy.....and then there is a lot of news happening to others.....Aps is moving to aussieland! Niru seems busy with work,school and million admirers(sigh)
Lydia and her mum have been constantly looking up to me for newborn baby advice which i was happy to give, but now i feel how come advice from me...am i that old??????
One more good news was all of us got back in touch with Theithei after nearly 8 long years! and to boot she has got even saintlier...funny even vaskar was talking the christian lingo...that was funny.
Ash and sudha's bickering gave me much comic relief.....miss those carefree days especially year 97......pre-deepraj days.
Well about hubby dear......i have given up on him officially...seems to be going thru something ....he thinks iam going thru something which is not wrong in itself...mainly his going thru something effecting me...vivcious circle man!
Josh is a dahlin...he kissed me and hugged me yesterday...what a loving kiddo! he knew mom needed some love. joash on the other hand is a total brat with twinkling mischevious eyes.. and very very naughty, between tearing books and banging and throwing things around.....he still manages to get away with it all!
Well it is early morning in singapore and beginning to pour...gotta make a move and settle the chores and brats for the day......so long folks till we meet again!

New arrival!

Yesterday was a very very special day in my life coz...my best friend lydia gave birth to a healthy baby boy...who is my son's namesake joshua!
my joy knew no bounds coz,lil joshua is a miracle baby, after 7 years of despairing if they would ever have a child GOD blessed them with this baby.
And coz many of her family members and friends have been praying for her all these years, especially me....i had made a special prayer for her the whole of last year....so God does answer prayers......
In the past year my relationship with God had taken a negative nosedive .....but in little ways He lets me know that He is just around the corner, well God i will give you this one! Thanks for lil josh and thanks for hearing my prayers and a million others.
Congrats lydia and prince....i see your joy is complete.....joshua is a little heartbreaker!
Totally smashing!!!!!!!

monday blues!( no more)

Today i got up early the first feeling that struck me,ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, was

its a monday the whole week is starting all over again, which by the way is not my usual attitude , generally iam like wowieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee its monday coz after the long weekend, hubby is off to work and josh will be gone.....its my time to set the house to rights, clean up and unwind in a way only a homemaker can understand.



Anyway, the reason for my blues was coz i had to actually dash off to the gym early on monday morning, rushing with the morning crowds as they tried to get to work!

horrid horrid, you start to realise that your body is going in for a whole lota pain after the weekend break and weekend meals!!!!



But all that changed, coz as my body was slowly coming outa shock, it also came to in a marvellous way...perched on the dreaded cardio machine i caught a glimpse of JAMES MCAVOY on mtv doing an interview.................i died and went to heaven in a second... and all i could hear apart from my pounding heart ( also due to the on going cardio!)was Bryan adam's" love is all dat i need..here in your arms ......we're in heaven".



After which no amount of torture from my P.T could spoil my mind!



Thanks james you made my dayyyyyyyyyy! mondays rock!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE DARK KNIGHT!

I just loved the movie!

That about sumsup how i feel about the movie! growing up i read my share of comic books and i loooooooved each of the masked and weirdly dressed superheroes!

But the recent series of the Batman movies....starting with "batman begins" and now the "dark knight" have taken the comic genre from the usual blockbustery fare to new heights, by deconstructing the hero and the villians usual clear lines of right and wrong, and adding the human angst they feel and taking a new look of defining the ramifications of being human and its complexities.

Loved the pschyological angle of the movie.. dark as it was plus some really superb acting being displayed, pushed it up a notch in my books!
The late Heath ledger deserves the oscar for his totally convincing role as the joker, his acting chops get total kudos from moi...as he scared the pants of me!
Oldman, Bale, Ackhart and Morgan freeman totally did their part....some good acting was had!

Agreed the movie is a tad longish...but amazing stuff ! but this movie is definitely not for those who are looking for the usual comic fare!

so serious movie watchers! check out the movie! its a MUST- SEE!

BLUSH!

Recently a rare event happened, that too right in the middle of a shopping mall.
Iam totally thrilled over the incident insignificant as it was. last weekend saw us at the Tanglin mall.....while strolling around with the family, window shopping...suddenly a stranger albeit a handsome angmo(caucasian) and me locked eyes for a split second and he politely flashed a gorgeous smile at me and of course i smiled back.....an ordinary everyday happening but immediately i found myself believe it or not "BLUSHING"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But honestly i loved the feeling......i never thought after all these years i was capable or even remembered to blush...i had all but forgotten the feeling....when was the last time i had blushed????? i think it was when i was newly married and some ole aunt said something embrassing but really it was nice to feel young and silly.

I think at heart the girl in me still loves the romance not the cheesy ,corny stuff but the sweet nothings that still makes my heart go pitter patter.

Another news worthy tidbit (only according to me anyway)is that iam kinda having a crush on somebody...yes people a full blown crush....his name is " james mcavoy" i've been watching all his movies lately and his latest role in the movie 'penelope' had me in swoons....i guess it sounds very corny and all.but despite his crooked teeth and boyish appearance ,something about the way his blues eyes had me all gooey inside!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so here iam enjoying all these forgotten feelings!
great feeling alive!

Conversation has run dry!

Wonder if only i am the only woman who hates to talk about family and hubby.....but do it anyway simply coz of the lack of any better conversational matter......or there are graver issues like she talks only about her family coz thats what life for her is all about!!!!! ( am i boring????)

Just got off the phone with a close friend and believe me we yapped about nothing else but kids and hubby and shit happening.........so i have taken a pledge to becoming conversationally more interesting by reading more, meeting people who do not have kids ,hubbies or pets. going to parks and participating in bird watching( how do they do it i feel nothing for birds!! but there must be something to it) or become a fashionista (do i hear guffaws) go for book and poetry readings ( pleez point me in the right direction as i have no clue as where this stuff takes place) travel and meet and dine with people whose fave time pass is to discuss fine wine and cheese( i hear great discussions happen around goat and blue cheese) .

I know there is a glitch to this program of mine......where does one find these creatures ???? i do not move in those circles!!!!! but honestly speaking the more they talk about the cheese or global warming or the state of current politics i start to feel the need to throw on a pair of P.J's and sneak a hug from any member of my family.......

I think iam a goner they is no cure to my " family addiction" .....dear reader whoever you are take pity on me and next time you talk to me pleez start an interesting conversation coz iam really starved for a decent one barring which be prepared to hear all about the baby's latest antics and my grouching about everything in general......so long!!!!!!!!!!! waiting for my ear to get chewed off!by some great conversations!!!!!!!

California and dreams!

Flashback to the year 2001.....still madly trying to finish all papers and seminars for the final fews months before i finished my masters and embarked on a new life as a married woman....i had got married in feb and i completed my masters forever in may!

My experience as a married woman comprised of the wedding itself and a short 3 day honeymoon and by the end of the week hubby was back in singapore and i was back at my moms slogging my ass off trying to catch up with the backlog of reading , term papers ,seminars and the damn exams themselves. my state of my mind as you may guess was in the shit house....between the need to get as far away from any sort of studies and the fear of making it as a wife on my own...leaving my parents !!!!!! it was a trying time ( how i laugh to think i thought that was life!!! reality is something of a shock!)

Anyway, apart from the apprehension of the future ,i was giddyly anticipating my new life ,as we would be moving to california soon after i re-joined my hubby.....these were my plans " to join a university and specialise in poetry" " to learn to swim" , " learn the piano", " to run" , " to seriously take up photography" ," to learn pottery" and finally "grand plans of decorating my home".

Instead joshua happened, got preggie within a month of coming to singapore.......was put on bed-rest, the world economy took a nasty turn and plunged into a recession and then the world tasted its first brush with terrorism when the twin towers were hit!!!! the rest is history....we never left singapore ,which has become my second home and i became a mom...all my plans and dreams were left on the shelf...as i learned to cope with a baby on my own in a country far from home! those were some tough days.....but new dreams were spun and truly i loved every minute of this new role that adopted me! josh became my dream.........life went on some sweet and some bitter times were had...but life went on.

Now i am a mom of two and i really enjoyed and at times hated my life......but some new and exciting times are around the bend this coming year...i am shedding my old skin and embarking on a journey thats only about" me"...family remains a strong factor but finally some "ME" time has finally come......come 2009 feb exactly 8 years later i will be going back to school albeit to follow a new dream....but totally geared up! will not jinx the whole thing by telling you fellas the details but keeping my fingers crossed!

Here' s to me......a brave and brand new world awaits me!!!!! yipeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is grass really greener?

My sister, recently landed in melbourne......she wanted to pursue further interests of a lofty kind.

So there she is ,doing what she wants and part of me envy's her (grass always greener on the other side syndrome)
nins my sis...is only two years younger but her world and mine are literally apart.......she is single and still able to discover other " avenues"....on the other hand iam married like donkey years ago(to kinda childhood sweetheart..what a cliche) with two kids and feeling pretty much a dead dog approaching middle age ( maybe not....just sounded more dramatic)

But people you get the picture......so as i drain the bitter cup of reality ( really too melodrama) mademoiselle is off doing her thing...very very interesting things.....like oogling blue eyed ang- mos (singaporean for white guys) freezing to death coz she is a student and has to eat canned food and has silly harmless chaps infatuated with her.......she is nearing her last dollar and looking for a job.....not to mention all the funny stories that seem to be happening to her...shady landlords,weird roomies and exciting episodes.

so now all i need to do is , somehow get rid of hubs ,the kids and tons of weight acquired in the process of producing them......become total hot chick, buy a ticket to downunder and have meself a good time...i am sure its possible ,coz "where there is a will, there is a way"......no probs have loads of that (will power of coz) now next gotta loot a bank and so on so forth.......wow look i got an entire outline for a movie script or a bestseller!!! ha ha ha...really imagination can do things for you that reality cannot.......so nins you carry on and continue to share your adventures ,while rightly i will get back to getting dinner ready for the kiddos. (canned food???? not really!!!)

A month of happenings!

The month of May has a special place in my heart, for one the name is very pretty, then there is the whole association with summer and childhood memories of holidays and just happy happy days.
But the significant event of May is my birthday(19th)...and now my second son joash also managed to squeeze his birth on the last day of the month(31st).
Well coming back to things at hand....this May has been a wonderful time....after a year long bout with depression....i am beginning to come out stronger and better.....i wouldnt go so far as saying i have totally cleared my head or that i have arrived coz that would be a lie.....but i definitely have begun to make sense, deal with my emotions and figure what is important and what is not.....
Last week i managed to get away... and go home for a bit....managed to finally find my bearings and managed to even meet my best friend in the whole wide world....i know the term is so corny"best friend" but they dont seem to have a word that suits my mad relationship with said person....(girl seeing you was like coming home, thank you sooo much!)

Yesterday was really the most memorable b'day i have had in a very very longtime......generally b'day is dinner or lunch and sometimes even a movie.......what happened yesterday was no different but for some minor changes.....but i loved it especially the "BOWLING" which i have never attempted before...great fun! and even greater fun for the people who play against me coz by constantly letting them win i ensured their happiness ha ha!

Overall, i think i felt special after a very very longtime and i guess a really good birthday is not the events that are planned.....but the sincerity and the feeling of saying ....hey you made into this world and its a special day ..."you are special".
Mission accomplished.......still feeling all warm and fuzzy! thanks to all, especially hubby!
IT WAS A BALL!

For aps!

Babe the mind is whizzing with ideas but still not translating into words............wonder when this block is gonna unblock!
I loved something about the last writeup on your blog................it was the love of books, the excitement , the passion and the desire for all to read and feel all those wonderful emotions that words evoke..............
I could never explain what i want to say but i am sure you get the picture.
may our love affair with books neverend! thanks for being my soulmate when it comes to books!
love always
the pleasant one.

Writer's block!

Dear readers ,
pleez dont quit reading my blog .......i totally understand that from the past couple of months the stuff has really got shitty and sub-standard stuff has been spewing onto the blog...but i beg patience while this ...so called writers block stuff passes.

iam going away for a bit! will be back with a bang...dont give up on this blog!

thanks and much love.
The pleasant one.

Things that goes bump in the heart!

I have reached a stage in my life when nothing right seems to happen ......i think it has something to do with growing up and realising that life is not as simple...that people are complicated.....that 2+2 is not equal to 4 atleast not in real life!

I know that the people who really read this blog understand that from the past year i have been going thru a tough time.....first the pregnancy and taking care of a baby without family and help and then the depression of it all.

The first half of the year went by in denial,survival mode and a bit of iam above all this crap sorta thing.......but of late i think i have started to unravel bit by bit.....sometimes i think iam at the edge of something horrible and all i have to do is to let go and i will plunge into some kinda a blackhole of no return.

But things are not that bad at times......josh and joash keep me grounded...and though i lose it from time to time....its the kids who ground me,who put a smile on my face, who tell me that you can fall and cry about your boo boo's but then with a little distraction and love the tears that havent even dried on the face are replaced by a big grin....i must follow their lead...they are full of life and joy and a different sorta reckless love for life.

I have three people to thank who are helping me thru this shit! and believe me i feel much support and encouragement. i think i am gonna pull thru in the end. i tried to do this alone..but i neednt do it alone....coz i realised like the U2 song says"sometimes you cant make it on your own".
Guys you are the best.....my friends , too whom i am eternally grateful....love you guys forever.
thanks . Aps , Niru and Ash! with your help i feel iam recovering ....cant wait to meet all of you again.

Here's a toast to you guys and also to my boys...cheers!

Boredom.

Every summer as far as i know brings with it, summer showers,the fragrance of wet mud, mangoes and an intense longing to be young .....and when i mean young i am talking about.....chadi may khelna (playing in your knickers- kiddos basically).

Remember those days when final exams are over and there is a great buzz of excitment going around in your head and all around you.
kids basically losing it and playing till you drop......mothers shouting at you to get outta the sun and have an afternoon nap and all you can think is when is evening coming when can i stop pretending to be asleep.

Growing up we had all these power cuts but it never made us grumble on the contrary it filled us with joy...coz it meant more playing while adults sat on their verandas slapping away at the mosquitoes.while we bugged each other.

nowadays summer only means inane stuff like "its damn hot" ," i have a splitting headache ", " man the heat is killing", "gosh my skin is so tanned". and more than anything its really BORING , the heat kinda bores you to death...... i remember even as a kid being bored by the end of summer but it was a romantic boredom full of possibilties...afterall school was re-opening and all those lovely new books with stickers................summer is here...and iam bored. at this point of my life it just means there is no end to it! only the begining of another kinda boredom, really why would anyone write this kinda rubbish....man i must be really bored!

Favourite things about you!

Dahlin appu these are things that remind me of you. here goes the list.

1. chinese take out.
2. bee gees.
3. cotton clothes.
4. moisturiser.
5. books.
6. dream intrepretation.
7.political science.
8.women's writing.
9.saint francis.
10.tvs scooty.
11.boyfriends.
12.heartache.
13.summer boredom.
14.travel\travelogues.
15.ghosts.
16.cameras
17.lobo.
18.baby when u're gone.

19.do you believe in life after love.
20.calvin n hobbes.
21.tess n innocent milkmaids.
22.indian authors
23.gazals.
24.bullies.
25.advertising.
26.standing up.
27.standing tall.
28.convictions
29.all things new.
30.above all love.
baby hope this a puts a smile on your face.
love always.

New arrivals!

Congratulations are in order to two of my friends.
Jeanne gave birth on wednesday.....congratulations dahlin.....God has been good! Declan yeo looks perfect.....and iam more than sure Caitlyn is more than happy on officially becoming a big sis.
I know for a fact that life will never be the same .........and through the sleepless and anxious nights......you will realise that your heart has more room for the love a child creates. so enjoy your bundle of joy.....he's a miracle...so when you are having bad days remember its worth it.

Emma congrats girl on giving birth to your baby boy. iam so happy for you. hope you and princeton have a great time bringing up our little friend. cant wait to see you and the baby tomorrow.

Happy for you all. i love babies.....cant wait to get to know you little fellas......moms iam there for you.........iam on speed dial day and night...... love always.

Maddness mistaken for sanity.

My hubby is living under the misconception that iam one of those sane people and whenever things go out of hand ......he still thinks he's dealing with a sane person who has lost it .



Poor chap ......how does one disabuse one of their misconceptions............the reason i married him was coz i needed some stability.( coz if i know of one totally sane person, he is the chap for you)

I even suspect worse...... i think he doesnt know ,the extent of the said MAD condition ,i know this for certain coz he asked me to learn to control my emotions...or why not pop a pill...........what he doesnt realise is......that if it was only a matter of control.....the world would be filled with sane people and "MADNESS " would be a disease which has been wiped off the face of the earth.

As if!!!!

If only!!!!



Whatever the reasons it tickles me pink to think , somebody thinks of me as sane............
Ain't hubby a barrel of laughs??????

P.s : iam not a total mad person.......most of the time i think iam pretty sane......just have my episodes you know.......if hubby you ever read this pleez understand i was having one of my mad episodes while writing this, refrain from taking it personally.(that's a relief)

The examined life.

Recently i found out something really interesting about myself. i thought i did not come under the jealous type.....iam still convinced when compared to others, my levels of jealousy are still under the sub-human level ( who am i kidding even iam not convinced ha ha ironical eh!)

Anyway, recently when my part-time maid took the kids off my hands and took them out so i could catch up on some work. she commented that" people kept looking at her....she was sure they thought joash was such a handsome baby....i think they wondered if it was my baby"
Jealousy raised its ugly head...first of all my maid is a filipino.....so no earthly resemblence....but iam guessing you all know by now how jealous i was feeling.(hubby as usual thought i was overeacting)

Today ,one of my university classmate sent me pics of himself(some beautiful shots i admit) taken in England................damn him! coz i felt totally and uncontrollablly J . couple of years ago when hubs went to England ,i refused to see the 300 -400 pics he took there. ....i told him to his face that i was J ..........a little background would help people understand why England is a sore topic for me.....you see i was born there and lived part of my childhood there......i feel i have some kinda a copyrights to the place.......also coz i long to go back but havent still got the chance.

Well, somebody famous said " the unexamined life is not worth living" i have examined mine and it totally disgusts me...iam all for the guy who said " ignorance is bliss".

The waiting!

Its been maddening and a totally shitty time for me. My beloved sis was to arrive here on the 5th of march in time for Joshua's 6th b'day.....but no such luck ...the visa did not arrive and till now its gone missing ..............

I HAVE BUGGED NIRU.....endlessly every morning since the 5th wondering if she is coming..............but alas the wait is on.

Ever stretched a rubberband?.......well thats how far my nerves are stretched....can imagine the condition of said nerves on the other side.

All this waiting has turned me into a frustrated and slightly insane or is it inane person.......iam the mother of two kids....but time has proven that any day i can challenge my boys in the art of tantrum throwing.

I literally cried in the car when i heard she was yet again to postpone her trip.....and you can bet your money i was crying merely coz i was not getting my way.( how mature)

I even performed a bit of feet stomping and to the delight and glee of my son,he has totally taken to following mom's footsteps.

anyway when i get like this my sis and me have a term for this kinda behaviour.....we called it " the evil entered me" day......like some poltergist or something.

well as i continue to wait, i hope i dont show the worse of me yet coz believe me i have 3 pairs of eyes watching me.....my sons to enact similar behaviour and in the case of hubby,he can use this as ammunition in our next fight..................so pleez whoever the visa guy is spare me the agony and be a good chap and send it in.

In response.

In this age of enlightenment and reason....i still find that many similar questions keep repeating overtime.
Look at it anyway men and women are different in everyway....phyiscally and in mental make-up. today many of the things women couldnt do they can do now(thanks to technology and education) , but somethings cant change and we must understand this fundamental difference.
Many of my working women friends find themselves torn between their role at home and work.....and some of the single women have other issues,and what of the stay at home mom.
What i think is people should embrace the differences between man and women and work together, understanding and filling in for each other when one of them is lacking.

Women can give birth....man cannot......women are nurturers in general..they have a dual role....and one must appreciate it and be supportive when it comes to maternal leave ,sick leave etc etc coz arent they bringing up the next generation......yes perhaps they have more on their plate than the average man...so can we see it as something unique and special and that support of the female species is a must!(and viceversa)

Women on the other hand must realise that man is a different creature.despite attempts by feminists saying that we can do without men.....iam sorry to say its not true.....we need them as much as they need us this is the law of nature. why fight this difference why not embrace it instead.

As long as the human race exsists their will be stereotyping and racial and sexual differences......prejudices that we continue to fight against......and one day (really hoping) might change......first its the mindset and the attitude that need changing .....as somebody i know recently said men are from mars and women are from venus.......dont forget we belong together to planet earth.

FYI

Life is strange.

Watched the movie Juno....i cant wait to buy the movie when it comes out...i think nobody should miss it......its way cuter than cute and deep as hell....super acting hope the movie wins every oscar under the sun ....even the music scores are grrrrrrrreat!

Kids are totally back to normal.Thank God! joash is now not only crawling but walking around in a walker and his favourite haunts are the shoes stand , the bread which is kinda easily reached , the blue and white table cloth and all time fave is the chart of a skeleton in the study.
josh is kinda grown up wish he hadnt but atlaest he can take care of himself.

I believe GOD is real....proof well coz of many things that are happening, uncanny but cant explain.

Finally after months of struggling to read(unheard of) i devoured "Half of a yellow sun" by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. yipppee i am back.

Nirupa is coming to Singapore for josh's b'day and to meet chomp chomp aka joash ,totally excited.

Hubby said will take me out sans kids for our 7 wedding anniversary which is coming up this week.....lets see how it goes........7 years and two kids am i old???

well thats it .too many things to write detailed posts....so everything in a nutshell.

HOMESICK

Nowadays i find myself longing for home.when i say home, i dont mean my parents back in India ,what i really mean is my longing for India.
There are days that i wish i could go home.simply close my eyes and find myself reading a book lying on my bed and from time to time gaze out of the window at the piece of sky and sunlight shimmering thru the trees.

I wish i could glance across the room to where my sis would be lounging with her book and bug her with odd questions.

I wish i could hop on my bike and drive all the way to my friends place to chat and eat lots of rubbish.

I long to go shopping for cotton fabrics in rich reds and blues and bury my face in the cloth which smells of all things wonderful

I long for people who are laughing and talking without restraint.............i miss my chickencorn soup in winter,chicken 65, halim during Ramzan, tajmahal's masala dosa....i am dying to have Egg puff,bundi chat....

I miss those roads i drove on.....i miss my beloved Hyderabad..everytime i go back i feel lost, i cant remember seeing this much traffic....all these new malls ....all these IT hubs....its like i've become an orphan or while i was gone somebody cast a spell and this city is not mine anymore.

Ithink that the city is different coz all the people i know are gone......appu is in Bangalore,sharan in florida,namu in nagpur, niru is going away too i dont know if that is why i feel like an orphan so bereft.

i wish to go Home , i want the mayhem , i want the noise, i want the people............ i think iam really homesick. really homesick.

Valentine's day

I am one of those people who believe in romance, flowers and the works. Especially when i was young i would dream of this guy who would sweep me off my feet.....who could play the guitar and serenade me with beautiful songs......that i would inspire great love letters, poetry and the kind of rubbish that only school girls can think up.
When i really started dating i thought going on a drive ,going for a movie or hanging out was the thing to do.
since i met my hubby some 11 odd years ago .....we've had many kinds of valentines,intially we really did the sweet yet silly things.....i remember one year i was totally and utterly broke and couldnt afford to buy a present for my dahlin ,i racked my brains and then i came upon the solution, everyday i got busfare to go to and fro to college ,so i stopped taking the express bus which cost more and started taking the ordinary very crowded and unpredictable bus....and while returning home i would walk half the distance and then take the bus ,like this i chalked up enough money , i remember to buy a bottle of cheap body spray and a valentine card not to mention the long love letter...so carefully worded with intense words of love. despite being so silly and foolish.....that innocence and love doesnt ring true anymore...coz over the years not only has valentine's day become very commercial..... and we simply can afford to go out for a dinner for two with wine and candle light ,but it means nothing coz its not suprising at all, its so unromantic and predictable ...the element of suprise is totally lost.either you cant take leave from work or you get the same gift which you pick out yourself or have hinted at to hubby or boyfriend. Or come feb start mentioning "v days "arrival or not mention it hoping 'HE ' will intiate and arrange the whole thing, alas those days are gone.
This year since i turned 30... i decided the next ten years are precious , i want to do all the things i want to do and one of the things is to get the romance going again coz seriously if you are married and know the person as long as i have ,it does get into a rut.
This valentines day iam looking forward to a fresh perspective on love....in fact iam not waiting for v day at all................today is a good day to start the ball rolling.
So to all out there ,whose love life is languishing due to work,familiarity,kids, sheer lack of anybody, take time off to start living, get out of the rut and start loving yourself first and stop being so hard on yourself........................get footloose and let your hair down.
I think its high time................dont wait for the somebody to light the fire , you be the one !
So there it is......have a good one. Happy valentines everybody.

News snippets from planet moi!

Folks its been a long long time since i last said hello! but january had turned into some sorta nightmarish period in my life.......heres news of a mixed sort some good and some bad.

1. NEW YEAR started on a wrong foot very very sick continued for two weeks
2. DEEP went to usa leaving ME to manage the home front alone.
3. GUESTS from india .....truthfully not bad experience at all.
4. LOST hearing in both ears....had traumatic experience at the ENT specialist( since then have regained hearing in one ear... horrible !)
5.PART-TIME MAID falls sick, had to write off any forth coming help!
6.KIDS have been falling constantly sick! as of today both are down with viral fever and baby has tested me to the limit today.
7."ANTONEMENT" movie the only highlight of january ......its amazing and a MUST WATCH.....i hope it wins the oscar for best picture.

8.LYDIA is expecting her miracle baby after a long wait of 7 years.....praying hard all remains well.
9.HAIR CUT...chopped off hair in frustration......totally regret it now!
10.NIRUPA is the only person whose chats have helped tremendously.....i will miss you when you start doing your course.
11.OLD FRIENDS.. have surfaced from the past , nice to hear from them.
12. lastly kids dont beat up your mom when you grow up coz she was not perfect....believe me you were not perfect kids .......and dont forget i love you.

thats it i guess for now!
yours truly
blah blah blah
drama queen.

Dream vacation

Friends,countrymen ,readers and fellow bloggers, my sincere apologies for not writing sooner.

Been very very sick ,but have resolved to write despite my hacking cough.

Its been a wonderful holiday,i've waited 10 long years to see NEW ZEALAND finally i see it. on the 22nd of december the whole family i.e hubby ,josh ,joash baby and moi boarded the flight to CHRISTCHURCH the southislands....................we were very excited not to mention the baby's first plane travel,10 hours later we reached the land of GOD. hubby picked up the hired family car and off we went to see the whole of south islands .

day 1: drove to OXFORD a quaint little village ,where we stayed on this beautiful farmstead called "CHIRBURY MANOR" the room was like a mini apartment and the view maddeningly breathetaking .......our hosts were very wonderful....josh instantly warmed up to sophia the pet deer and had a ball feeding her. will post a series of photos for those who are interested.

day2: drove to KAIKOURA a wonderful coastal village\town for WHALE WATCHING yes my dears i saw no less than 3 whales, a school of dolphins, hundreds of sealions and a gazillion fish the most amazing blue ocean...............all from a helicopter....words fail to describe how i felt.


day3: after saying goodbye to OXFORD where we stayed after driving back from kaikoura we started the long drive to DUNEDIN , a city of universities and all things ENGLISH it was like stepping into oxford and cambridge...............sorry to mention that while you drive, its not a waste of time its all part of the magic as you drive thru amazing farmland passing mountains , lakes , snow peaked valleys and each drive to each town is different coz of the view.

day4: started the really long drive of 5 to 6 hours to MILFORD SOUNDS.......... one the most beautiful drives , views and time of my life....though josh was car sick thru out the drive up into this wonderful place.....i tell you it was wonderful awesome and what not.......we passed lakes drove on crazy roads with bridges and ravines and waterfalls that fed these beautiful rocky streams and gushing rivers and up and up we climbed the mountains to reach this scare you to death hairpin road that went winding down into sheer beauty and nothingness.finally we went thru this tunnel dug out thru a mountain and i thought who was the crazy bugger who dug this tunnel in the middle of nowhere. once we reached the destination.......more heavenly sights awaited us on a cruise boat.......waterfalls a galore and a magnificent view kinda killed me.

day5: after this divine day we drove back to QUEENSTOWN on the way back despite the bonechilling cold without jackets josh and me actually jumped out of the car to do crazy jiggles and find out any info as to who dug and made these roads and tunnel......found out that during the depression of 1929 people migrated to this Godforsaken crazy yet awesome place to build roads and tunnel they were practically snowned in for 6 months. well photos cannot capture the beauty of these views the most beautiful picture is only telling half the story , really!!!!!!!
another fact i forgot to mention was that due to the daylight saving etc etc the sun would set at 10 pm. on the drive back in fact we stopped by this road side stream coz by the side of it we saw thousands of flowers all in lavender and pale pink which suprised me coz i was wearing purple and my scarf happened to be pale pink.....despite the fading light and dead tired bones.....we got out to capture a few shots( iam looking horrible i must say.....)but josh and me went mad we were like puppies in a valley jumping up and down....huggies trees and in general very carefree....hubby dear very indulgently carried the baby and took snaps urging us to get into the car as we were turning grey with cold......i think josh never saw the wild side of mummy coz he keep on saying mummy over there lets jump from that rock or go into the woods(secretly happy coz ever since baby came along ,mummy had turned into raving screaming looney)

day6: somehow reached QUEENSTOWN the land of the bungy jumping.......hubby dear already said he was not doing it,i thought i was but after seeing from where i was supposed to jump i thought wild horses not being able to push me off.......anyway took the cable car upto this wonderful mountain.....josh started to cry dont blame him kinda shit scary climb up.........anyway before going up josh did trampoline bungy jumping. me wanted too also but only the kiddies were doing it.......hubby thought i was nuts as i was already hacking away with a bad cough....they were also doing temporary tatoos i begged hubby dear to have one and i would join him......he looked horrified as if i asked him to dance naked or something......anyway i was going to go ahead alone when the rotten rain started to pour down ruining all sport activity coz thats what QUEENSTOWN is well known for(happy that the rain took it out of my hands otherwise i'd have to go bungy jump off mountain no way) well on the top was this wonderful view and we had a cozy lunch by the fireside...i was so frozen i was wearing a massive coat that did nothing for my figure but added 10 pounds more ....more photos for proof......anyway the rotten rain was ruining it all as the bungy jumping closed down thje only thing which was about to close was something called the "LUNGE" you went up in a chairlift i mean we were already on top of a freaking mountain how much higher were they taking you,anyway this chairlift left you on top and you went go-karting down and round and round the mountain side.....totally scary anyway...hubby dear was begging us to make up our minds as we had to start off the next leg of the journey as this was the longest drive yet 8 straight hours and the route very dangerous.......so i dared josh and took him along while my usually adventuress hubby took care of the baby.
so josh and i donned the coats but totally forgot our gloves in the car, well the rest is history... josh froze when he saw that we had to hop onto the chairlift but i made a dash for it shoutiing yippeeeeeeeee and wot not josh totally shocked that mummy was behaving in a total non mommy fashion started to yodel with me .......we stuck to each other on the way up mind you never looking down,the dizzle continued and with the wet wind in our faces reached the top the guy put josh in front and i was the driver i only registered words like brake pull and dont let go.......and off we went down the hill......the thrill and fear was too hard to describe to top it these bunch of chinese or korean people where going at snails pace blocking my way i shouted out to them and in the nick of time dodged them and went totally out of control.....josh and me started to laugh and then i realised my hands had froze and i had no contol over the go-kart...josh was like mum pull the brake and i was like josh my hands are frozen....anyway at great speed hitting everything in its way we finished the lunge......frozen josh and i climbed back but the mountain air was too much for my lungs which felt like bursting, reached the top out of breathe hubby dear got a shock when he saw me gasping for breathe anyway after 20 mins later i was okey.......and off we went to FRANZ JOSEF AND FOX GLACIER.

day7: did you know that there are only three glaciers of this kind in the world ,one in Argentina and two, the fox and franz josef in Newzealand ...............anyway this drive to the glaciers tops the cake i've no proof of this leg of the drive as the light was fading and i was literally in fear for my life................but people ,if you are serious about nature and really want to experience its beauty and fury and its scaredness and want to really feel one with God and nature...if possible hop into a car and drive through this word failing beauty......the road was winding and at places the road on the edge of precipices and dangerous ,all around you was mountains and jungles and sheer drops and on the other sheer rock face with thundering waterfalls on the road...at places we went at 10 kms per hour....and the clouds everywhere, there was a mist covering everything the roar of the waterfalls was scaring and they where too many to count. the forest , the snow peaked mountains and waterfalls sacred me.....the failing light and josh and hubby's non stop whopeeing and who haaings was very annoying coz.....here i was having a sublime spiritual experience , and thinking man is nothing and GOD who made all this is awesome and powerful and the real one in control of our destinies ..........not to mention the very loneliness and fading light started to give me the heebjeebies and i thought shit why did we wait so long should've started earlier.hubby dear was totally mad coz all he was hearing from the backseat was mutterings of soft shits! well at the time my fear was real.

friends the writeup is very long and hubs is away, without his help i cannot post pics......so i will post part two of this travel tale ......soonish lots more to share....stay hooked. love always

Greetings from the nutter

Darling readers,
sorry to keep you all waiting this long .but as the saying goes" que sera sera what ever shall be shall be "

So here's to you folks have a very eventful,non boring earth shaking NEW YEAR!!!!!!! for those who need much rest and peace" 'MAY YOU FIND REST" and for ther rest may life never stop .

darling readers its here that all caution is being thrown thru the window along with the burning desire to kill the person who invented grammar coz for the few grammartically challenged people like moi....i totally detest the thing.....

anyway, people a big write up is coming your way full of fun and insightful details of my dream vaction come true "New zealand" yep thats where i went, its hard trying to get over the euphoria of it all....but 8 days of that marvellous country has done me in.......

iam really jetlagged and suffering from the worst bout of cough in my life ........so once iam well enough to put down in words how i feel about said trip and also coming up is a small writeup on the faithful new year topic " hellos and goodbyes"

so till then cheerio............................have a good one! bottoms up!!!!!!!!!!!!!