Friday, November 30, 2007

The Decision.

Scout was on her way out, she had decided she had enough of the boredom in her life ,to take another minute of it.
She dressed in a hurry and dashed out of the house, now that she stood on the road,the previous frenzy to get out was replaced with doubts about what she had planned to do.
nevertheless she hailed a cab, shaking off the persistent nagging thoughts that she would deeply regret her decisions.

Standing at the foot of the stairs,after carrying out her plan,she found herself staring at the ticket she had purchased,she could feel her heart beating with the exhilaration of simply following her heart, mixed with a nervous tension at the boldness of her actions.

With clammy hands and shining eyes,she headed home to pack.....she packed with a desperation that said that, if she stopped,it would be back to the good old life , that coupled with fear she would chicken out kept her awake all night.

Scout left for the airport an hour earlier than necessary,the airport somehow calmed her down, instead of a feeling of dread, she began to feel a sense of purpose, of being one with million travellers . she studied their faces wondering what stories lie behind it all. she knew they could guess but her secret was safe, they couldnt read her mind , they hadnt a clue who she was deep down, how unique and special.

Boarding the plane, was no longer the Scout who couldnt take her destiny in her hands. This Scout was different she knew what she wanted to do and wasnt afraid anymore.
The hiding was over, she was free and leaving on a jetplane, the future along with the present was her's and her's alone.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

"Passion goes phut"

Scout had nothing planned for the day.
it was going to be just another day in a series of days .
she woke up, did the usual bathroom rituals ,did the usual stuff with the kids ,checked the same ole mail on the same ole computer.

But something did jolt her out of her self-imposed state of ennui. as she casually glanced through the photos that her friends had posted online ,she came across one that was really good. and thats when it struck her,that it was staring in her face all along " photos", didnt she want to be a taker of good photographs ?!

Quickly she rummaged around the cupboard and took out the good ole camera not the usual digital one. suddenly she was energised ,ordinary things were popping out of their blurred existence into the forefront .she zoomed in and was about to shoot, when she realised nothing happened, the button was jammed aaaaaaaarrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Creativity which was speeding through her veins froze and as she slowly came to,she thought - who was she kidding and promptly went back to the good ole defence " nothing good ever happens to me!".

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Double lives!

Recently i 've been watching lots a T.V! now that the baby and josh both have to be entertained thanks to the horrible summer holidays, i just cant seem to read a book which is unheard of, unbelievable .

Anyway watching the telly during the afternoon dead zone time is a whole other experience. couple of days ago they started airing this serial not sure if it is from the 80's or 70's ,its called
"Scarecrow and Mrs king"............. scarecrow is the name of an international spy and Mrs king played by one of the original charlie's angel, is a humble suburban single mom who has two kids but leads a secret double life that of a "spy", she is very cute and intelligent and is a great mom and great spy to boot.

Now, that i've seen the lastest episode, i feel like ,wish it was really possible to lead an exciting life like her's ......use your brain for a change instead of changing endless diapers.....mrs king also travels extensively in Europe and other parts plus has a handy mother who babysits her kids while she disappears on these trips, come to think of it her boys dont seem to need attention or help, seem like properly behaved kids. me thinks blah blah its afterall a serial who in real life has such a life????? but me also thinks secretly i could be Mrs king( after i get into shape of course)

I've secretly started to think different scenerios for meself............... okey okey agree i am totally losing it. but for once wish i could lead a double life in reality and not only in my head.

Food for thought:- Mrs Datt aka Mrs King leading international spy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yeah right like that's evergonna happen!!!!!!!!! and soon pigs will fly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, November 19, 2007

Just a reminder!

Recent events in my life have led me to believe that i've become kinda jaded and stuck in a rut.
i needed a fresh perspective or say a refresh of my belief system.
Love is a hard emotion and sometimes you might forget what it is all about.

So here it goes, a simple reminder.

Love is patient
Love is kind
Love does not envy
Love is not proud
Love is not rude
Love is not self-seeking
Love is not easily angered
Love keeps no record of wrongs
Love doesnt delight in evil but rejoices with the truth
Love protects, always trusts,always hopes, always perseveres
Love never fails.( excerpt taken from THE BIBLE, 1 cor 13:4-8)

i know that this is a high standard to follow or believe ,but its nice to try and nice to know that love afterall is much more than what it has become nowadays. love you(reader whoever you are!)

Monday, November 12, 2007

seasons of change.

You have to look out of my window to understand ,how beautiful the sky looks at the moment.....all shades of blue and purple, amazing!

anyway not to lose sight, yes getting back to the title i've given this write up "seasons of change"......simply coz this year sometime in may i hit the big "30" at that time seriously all i could think was "is the baby gonna pop today" i was really counting the days before i was to give birth to my second son, joash. and believe you me life has been one thing after another.......recovering from the birth, relatives and more relatives ,illness and basically the works,last month was like "the tsunami" had hit me and i felt too overwhelmed.

today,i look at the sky and all i see is blue( code bt me and special friend) and that gives me hope......i think i did see a lot of black these last couple of weeks...maybe it was a know what folks, its nothing like you have to join the mental asylum and checkout mentally for a bit and you wake up alright nothing of that sort its a damn whirlwind of thoughts and life keeps happening ,nothing stops.sad but a fact

I am 30 years old ,iam at the start of another milestone in my life and "i feel good" ," i feel nostalgic", " i feel scared" and "i feel damn optimistic".may the good times (and the bad)roll , its time to go back to the big bad world ......i've decided to go back to school and try my hand at being a "career woman" ( yes do i hear some guffaws from the audience) plans still not concrete but in the process...process such a positive word.

Motherhood, is really my thing .....i love my boys and to leave them in the care of others is really hard.....iam a jealous kinda mother....but iam learning to let go......hardest is the thought that i gave almost 6 years to my eldest and my baby boy who now is 5 months will be seeing less of mummy,hey but what the hell....i will be able to give them 100% quality time instead of the "nagger" iam becoming and then i dont want to be the kinda a person who lives only for their children and goes coo coo(mad) when the nest is empty(get what i mean) anyway its just a thought, but i must really do something other than obsess abt the house and planning healthy food menus....hard coz i love being at home,i know it sounds kinda 50's and not liberated...but its not simply that, i genuinely feel thats what i do best and it is" my choice".....but life changes and sometimes you need to try out new things ......

So looking forward to a new season in my life....not a new but improved moi! so here's to you life bring it on! cheers.