Tuesday, October 30, 2007

what horror!

Guess what! as a kid i was totally nauseating i find out,no not cool at all,
my sis tells me she found a book which had some rubbish we wrote down as kids and i shudder to say this it what it says" baby pink is my favourite colour"( my pseduo intellectual brain is saying why didnt you like classic black or white ) that "secret garden " was the book i loved, well, that's not so bad.......but here's the terrible secret that is about to get very very public and i might not recover from the shame "i loved no was a great "fan" of madhuri dixit( shudder !!!!!!!!!) by the way for all you non indian readers MD is a indian actress who was very popular but now come to think of it i am horrified!
but then who cares and i dare anybody to bare their secret faux pas in public like this and not feel like a good laugh! iam laughing myself..... man who wants to be sophisticated when the really happy ones are the kids who" love pink"! see what i mean?!

Sunday, October 28, 2007


I miss my dad! having got married some 7 yrs ago ,staying away from home ,in fact in another country,has not helped........now when i go home everything seems different. Dad looked old and shrunk to me and since then his health has taken a toll for the worse, minor temors to the hand and spasms and motor skill failure in his left hand etc etc....no he is not on his death bed or anything .....in fact meds and physio have been working....not to forget dad's eternal struggle with his smoking and drinking which is driving my mom and sister insane.
But my take on the whole situation is coloured and biased and iam also distant from the daily drama of it all.
i miss him! his health issue though not as serious, have given rise to morbid thoughts .my dad is not going to live forever so on and so forth.

on the 25th this month he celebrated his 73rd birthday and this is what he said to me"dahlin 73 yrs not bad eh! not bad at all" all this on the phone by the way.
Felt like weeping ,recently when my hubs was away i wrote him a mail.i poured out my unsaid fears and thoughts regards my dad.
"Daddy pleez dont kick the bucket! pleez dont leave this world ,iam not ready for a world without you. i miss you ,i think youre the world's greatest dad! my childhood was fun because of you,you were and are the only person who has never knowingly hurt me .you were there always till i grew away from you and life happened to me. i remember forever yabbering away daddy daddy daddy,dangling my feet over the sofa and talking about books ,issues and life in general, i miss you feeding me ,i miss your hands such wonderful and beautiful hands ,i miss cuddling next to you and falling asleep counting sheep till hundred as a kid! thanks on all the boy advice and thinking i was oxford and harvard stuff when i was nothing of the kind !"
some of you must think i have a father fixation or some such horrid thing, not true....just that his not being well has unleashed all kinds a memories and i just wish i could say all this to him.
I love you daddy! youre my guy!
As one of those blasted poets said "do not go gently into the night" and some such lines .go dancing dad !remember when niru and i were kids you used to make us giggle and laugh doing that funny jiggle "shubi doobi doo i wanna be like you" well thats how iam going to think of you always.
stay safe dad and be good!
love you to death.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007


the sky is torn
the blacknight ripped into pieces
heavy raindrops
fall into my soul
a storm rages
the conflict within
the rain washes away
more silence,
the sky gets murky...
yes black is all i see
the colour stolen from me
all remains unresolved
unsolved a mystery.(1999)

Tuesday, October 2, 2007


You,i know not
You,are not you
rescued i felt
then throttled
hijacked i was
straightjacked i am
evading like the moon
glimpses of you i see
this letting go did not
bring freedom.
captive iam within
trapped by my own whims
on an edge....on an edge
Eternally lost.(2004)