I miss my dad! having got married some 7 yrs ago ,staying away from home ,in fact in another country,has not helped........now when i go home everything seems different. Dad looked old and shrunk to me and since then his health has taken a toll for the worse, minor temors to the hand and spasms and motor skill failure in his left hand etc etc....no he is not on his death bed or anything .....in fact meds and physio have been working....not to forget dad's eternal struggle with his smoking and drinking which is driving my mom and sister insane.
But my take on the whole situation is coloured and biased and iam also distant from the daily drama of it all.
i miss him! his health issue though not as serious, have given rise to morbid thoughts .my dad is not going to live forever so on and so forth.
on the 25th this month he celebrated his 73rd birthday and this is what he said to me"dahlin 73 yrs not bad eh! not bad at all" all this on the phone by the way.
Felt like weeping ,recently when my hubs was away i wrote him a mail.i poured out my unsaid fears and thoughts regards my dad.
"Daddy pleez dont kick the bucket! pleez dont leave this world ,iam not ready for a world without you. i miss you ,i think youre the world's greatest dad! my childhood was fun because of you,you were and are the only person who has never knowingly hurt me .you were there always till i grew away from you and life happened to me. i remember forever yabbering away daddy daddy daddy,dangling my feet over the sofa and talking about books ,issues and life in general, i miss you feeding me ,i miss your hands such wonderful and beautiful hands ,i miss cuddling next to you and falling asleep counting sheep till hundred as a kid! thanks on all the boy advice and thinking i was oxford and harvard stuff when i was nothing of the kind !"
some of you must think i have a father fixation or some such horrid thing, not true....just that his not being well has unleashed all kinds a memories and i just wish i could say all this to him.
I love you daddy! youre my guy!
As one of those blasted poets said "do not go gently into the night" and some such lines .go dancing dad !remember when niru and i were kids you used to make us giggle and laugh doing that funny jiggle "shubi doobi doo i wanna be like you" well thats how iam going to think of you always.
stay safe dad and be good!
love you to death.
But my take on the whole situation is coloured and biased and iam also distant from the daily drama of it all.
i miss him! his health issue though not as serious, have given rise to morbid thoughts .my dad is not going to live forever so on and so forth.
on the 25th this month he celebrated his 73rd birthday and this is what he said to me"dahlin 73 yrs not bad eh! not bad at all" all this on the phone by the way.
Felt like weeping ,recently when my hubs was away i wrote him a mail.i poured out my unsaid fears and thoughts regards my dad.
"Daddy pleez dont kick the bucket! pleez dont leave this world ,iam not ready for a world without you. i miss you ,i think youre the world's greatest dad! my childhood was fun because of you,you were and are the only person who has never knowingly hurt me .you were there always till i grew away from you and life happened to me. i remember forever yabbering away daddy daddy daddy,dangling my feet over the sofa and talking about books ,issues and life in general, i miss you feeding me ,i miss your hands such wonderful and beautiful hands ,i miss cuddling next to you and falling asleep counting sheep till hundred as a kid! thanks on all the boy advice and thinking i was oxford and harvard stuff when i was nothing of the kind !"
some of you must think i have a father fixation or some such horrid thing, not true....just that his not being well has unleashed all kinds a memories and i just wish i could say all this to him.
I love you daddy! youre my guy!
As one of those blasted poets said "do not go gently into the night" and some such lines .go dancing dad !remember when niru and i were kids you used to make us giggle and laugh doing that funny jiggle "shubi doobi doo i wanna be like you" well thats how iam going to think of you always.
stay safe dad and be good!
love you to death.
1 comment:
i cried baby. When i read, re read and re re re read this.
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