Tuesday's with aunty rachael.

Tomorrow is tuesday and i feel a bit sad...coz for the past 2 months it had become a regular feature for me to end up at lydia's for a tete- a - tete with her mom and us two girls yabbering over tea time and holding fort on any given topic, till either the baby needed attention or it was time for me to get going as the kids were waiting back home.

As the general rule goes , i pretty much get on with most of my friends parents...but with lydia's mom....it was different...she was so on and engaged with life , and though she is very much the epitome of a typical well rounded mom figure...she also is a very sweet and intelligent person, she shared a world view which was very current and she spoke so wonderfully and passionately about any of the issues we discussed ...that i wished for a second why cant ...more indian mothers be like her.......we even managed to share a couple of jokes, i dare say i never thought ,could be shared with a person of her generation( really my views on mothers here is limited to indian moms my non-indian blog readers)

It was so relaxing and fun and i really let my hair down.......they were days when i couldnt make it on tuesdays and promptly lydia would call saying mom is asking you to come tomorrow...the phone would be passed to aunty and we would yabber away...really i never thought anybody could talk so much more than me.

The most important feature was the food that accompanied the chatter and long emotional debates with me taking turns siding either mother or daughter.......i would take along dessert or some snack and ....sometimes it was literally dinner and a show........

Totally loved every minute......i got aunty a gift before she left for india as her time was up in Singapore...(she had come over for lydia's confinement) . she loved the gift and tears welledup in her eyes...its rare to see genuine emotion in a day and age, which abhors sentiment.
before i left she hugged me a really hug believe me and kissed me on both my cheeks...(no arty airy fairy french air kiss) and i felt real affection from her side....for a person who lives far from home and family...i think she really affected me with a fuzzy and wonderful feeling.

Aunty i will miss you something bad......i will really come down to your place in the near future....lydia and i have decided that we will pack our bags and drag the kids for a wonderful holiday in India.....the kids are not gonna stop us from having some wholesome fun and pleez ...if mother and daughter felt no generational or silly stuff like i love my kid but i cant stand to be with them...i think we need to rethink our view.....kids below 5 can be very exhausting....but i think we must start to like being with them.....and when the bond remains ...some smashingly good times can be had in the future.

here's to some good times and aunty rachael!
cheers.

Taxi driver ,me and some odd ends!

The urge to blog is back with a bang, guess its something to do with me finally emerging from the fog after a longtime.
The month of sept started off ok......but then i was being bombarded with loads of bad news , and as usually owing to my fragile state of mind, i had not been able to stomach the stuff.

But breakthroughs happen and i have started to live all over again. the dark cloud of depression and negativity which surrounded me has finally lifted.

I am still a little over sensitive and things easily affect me......but iam only getting stronger everyday! yay!
i owe my recovery to a lot of factors and people..... books, movies,excercise, counselling....but major thanks goes to God( He didnt letup or give up on me) Ash, Pat, Lydia and her mom( without their knowledge) Tara and Hiliyah. i am totally indebted to you folks.


Now for lesser morbid things......heres my incident with the taxi driver......late one evening i was returning home from lydia's place , i was running late and i flagged down a taxi.....to my luck this taxi driver happened to be one of those chatty fellas , we singaporeans are well acquainted with the breed!!!!!
here goes the conversation......
taxi driver: " YOU TEACHER RIGHT"???
me: mmmmm......
taxi driver: " I GUESSED RIGHT DIDNT I"?????
me : mmmm......yeah . you are right iam a teacher you guessed right!

Well people you are right in being shocked ......i dont know what came over me i never lie....well not never but generally i dont if you get the drift.....so here iam blatantly lying....i guess his enthusiam was catching and i didnt want to disillusion him on his powers of deduction.......and i guess heart of hearts i knew well people always say i look like a teacher and that i should not waste my education but teach somewhere.......honestly i would hate to teach ...i dont want to teach.....but i've done my share of teaching.....sunday school..so i guess whatever the reasons......i agreed that i was a teacher and asked him how he had guessed...he said....i looked like a teacher....and that he picked me up in the vicinity of a school.....so he put two and two together......well what can i say it rankled a bit...i hate the idea of me looking like a teacher...do i????? this blog is open to readers to comment freely and tell it too me!!!! i mean teachers always look like they have a stick up their wazooo if i may say so without offending anybody.....( sorry mom and mominlaw...both are teachers by the way) and they also seem very dogmatic and preachy and have very decided opinions on almost all matters......pleez people this is a cry for help....put me out of my misery and tell me that the blasted taxi driver was wrong!!!!

Other newsy stuff , i have been reading a lot of Mary westmacott...the pen name of Agatha christie...while she wrote love stories with a twist instead of her usual dectective novels.... so fellow readers try the books darn good i must say!!!!!
Also been catching up on loads of good movies......people call me for the names too tiring to tell you.....also been improving my bowling skills and spending more time with hubby after eons....loving every bit!
Today went out with kellin and did total girly stuff...never thought it was possible to have fun like that after a longtime.........next friday will be doing it all over again.......looking forward to the yummy " dim sum "(chinese high tea) yay yay yay!
thats all for now
signing off
a bit loopy me!

Never give up!

Iam not an airhead who is trying to talk out of turn, nor am i try to preach to anyone......iam not trying to moralise nor ami trying to sound righteous .....

iam just a person who understands pain and has lost 3 people i know who have given up and not fought with the dark inside of them.
As a person for who the pain of loss is still real i speak from the heart when i say.....folks we all have dark moments....they are times when we are walking that thin line between sanity and insanity. periods of times when the valley of the shadow of death and negativity loom large, when the future has no promise.

People please never for a moment think you are alone.....you dont know how precious you are to many of the people around you. never forget you are unique and many of us cant imagine life without you. If you are hurting too much , seek help, support and friends. Even family!

People, please start being there for your loved ones...make time in a world where 24 hrs is not enough anymore... and work has taken priority over people. Read the signs and when people seek too much time by themselves or want to be left alone...dont believe them...coz sometimes you cant make it on your own. Dont go to far into the dark..that you cant find your way out!

Fight it folks .....Goddamn it fight it! Too long you wallow in the negative you feed the beast.....i urge all my friends......Never give up!
Even when its seems people dont care and you wont be missed...you will be believe me.
Remember when you punish others by hurting yourself the person you hurt the most is yourself and people around. I believe , we live in a world where selfishness....me, myself only matter. please disabuse yourself of this attitude......give and live for others ....soon you all will be happy.

I know right now iam very angry and hurting coz of what has been happening .....Santosh, pritish and now Z ....... i cannot believe that you felt life is so cheap! that your lives were solely yours....No! humanity is tied with other people.....

I dont know about others and if you know i really mean it! But pleez iam there for you my friends and family......remember i am always there....call me, mail me and sms me.
YOU ARE WORTH IT! learn to recieve help!

Z, S,P we miss you sorely. wish you guys hadnt done it! for the rest.....

NEVER GIVE UP! FIGHT ON!