Things that goes bump in the heart!

I have reached a stage in my life when nothing right seems to happen ......i think it has something to do with growing up and realising that life is not as simple...that people are complicated.....that 2+2 is not equal to 4 atleast not in real life!

I know that the people who really read this blog understand that from the past year i have been going thru a tough time.....first the pregnancy and taking care of a baby without family and help and then the depression of it all.

The first half of the year went by in denial,survival mode and a bit of iam above all this crap sorta thing.......but of late i think i have started to unravel bit by bit.....sometimes i think iam at the edge of something horrible and all i have to do is to let go and i will plunge into some kinda a blackhole of no return.

But things are not that bad at times......josh and joash keep me grounded...and though i lose it from time to time....its the kids who ground me,who put a smile on my face, who tell me that you can fall and cry about your boo boo's but then with a little distraction and love the tears that havent even dried on the face are replaced by a big grin....i must follow their lead...they are full of life and joy and a different sorta reckless love for life.

I have three people to thank who are helping me thru this shit! and believe me i feel much support and encouragement. i think i am gonna pull thru in the end. i tried to do this alone..but i neednt do it alone....coz i realised like the U2 song says"sometimes you cant make it on your own".
Guys you are the best.....my friends , too whom i am eternally grateful....love you guys forever.
thanks . Aps , Niru and Ash! with your help i feel iam recovering ....cant wait to meet all of you again.

Here's a toast to you guys and also to my boys...cheers!

Boredom.

Every summer as far as i know brings with it, summer showers,the fragrance of wet mud, mangoes and an intense longing to be young .....and when i mean young i am talking about.....chadi may khelna (playing in your knickers- kiddos basically).

Remember those days when final exams are over and there is a great buzz of excitment going around in your head and all around you.
kids basically losing it and playing till you drop......mothers shouting at you to get outta the sun and have an afternoon nap and all you can think is when is evening coming when can i stop pretending to be asleep.

Growing up we had all these power cuts but it never made us grumble on the contrary it filled us with joy...coz it meant more playing while adults sat on their verandas slapping away at the mosquitoes.while we bugged each other.

nowadays summer only means inane stuff like "its damn hot" ," i have a splitting headache ", " man the heat is killing", "gosh my skin is so tanned". and more than anything its really BORING , the heat kinda bores you to death...... i remember even as a kid being bored by the end of summer but it was a romantic boredom full of possibilties...afterall school was re-opening and all those lovely new books with stickers................summer is here...and iam bored. at this point of my life it just means there is no end to it! only the begining of another kinda boredom, really why would anyone write this kinda rubbish....man i must be really bored!

Favourite things about you!

Dahlin appu these are things that remind me of you. here goes the list.

1. chinese take out.
2. bee gees.
3. cotton clothes.
4. moisturiser.
5. books.
6. dream intrepretation.
7.political science.
8.women's writing.
9.saint francis.
10.tvs scooty.
11.boyfriends.
12.heartache.
13.summer boredom.
14.travel\travelogues.
15.ghosts.
16.cameras
17.lobo.
18.baby when u're gone.

19.do you believe in life after love.
20.calvin n hobbes.
21.tess n innocent milkmaids.
22.indian authors
23.gazals.
24.bullies.
25.advertising.
26.standing up.
27.standing tall.
28.convictions
29.all things new.
30.above all love.
baby hope this a puts a smile on your face.
love always.

New arrivals!

Congratulations are in order to two of my friends.
Jeanne gave birth on wednesday.....congratulations dahlin.....God has been good! Declan yeo looks perfect.....and iam more than sure Caitlyn is more than happy on officially becoming a big sis.
I know for a fact that life will never be the same .........and through the sleepless and anxious nights......you will realise that your heart has more room for the love a child creates. so enjoy your bundle of joy.....he's a miracle...so when you are having bad days remember its worth it.

Emma congrats girl on giving birth to your baby boy. iam so happy for you. hope you and princeton have a great time bringing up our little friend. cant wait to see you and the baby tomorrow.

Happy for you all. i love babies.....cant wait to get to know you little fellas......moms iam there for you.........iam on speed dial day and night...... love always.

Maddness mistaken for sanity.

My hubby is living under the misconception that iam one of those sane people and whenever things go out of hand ......he still thinks he's dealing with a sane person who has lost it .



Poor chap ......how does one disabuse one of their misconceptions............the reason i married him was coz i needed some stability.( coz if i know of one totally sane person, he is the chap for you)

I even suspect worse...... i think he doesnt know ,the extent of the said MAD condition ,i know this for certain coz he asked me to learn to control my emotions...or why not pop a pill...........what he doesnt realise is......that if it was only a matter of control.....the world would be filled with sane people and "MADNESS " would be a disease which has been wiped off the face of the earth.

As if!!!!

If only!!!!



Whatever the reasons it tickles me pink to think , somebody thinks of me as sane............
Ain't hubby a barrel of laughs??????

P.s : iam not a total mad person.......most of the time i think iam pretty sane......just have my episodes you know.......if hubby you ever read this pleez understand i was having one of my mad episodes while writing this, refrain from taking it personally.(that's a relief)

The examined life.

Recently i found out something really interesting about myself. i thought i did not come under the jealous type.....iam still convinced when compared to others, my levels of jealousy are still under the sub-human level ( who am i kidding even iam not convinced ha ha ironical eh!)

Anyway, recently when my part-time maid took the kids off my hands and took them out so i could catch up on some work. she commented that" people kept looking at her....she was sure they thought joash was such a handsome baby....i think they wondered if it was my baby"
Jealousy raised its ugly head...first of all my maid is a filipino.....so no earthly resemblence....but iam guessing you all know by now how jealous i was feeling.(hubby as usual thought i was overeacting)

Today ,one of my university classmate sent me pics of himself(some beautiful shots i admit) taken in England................damn him! coz i felt totally and uncontrollablly J . couple of years ago when hubs went to England ,i refused to see the 300 -400 pics he took there. ....i told him to his face that i was J ..........a little background would help people understand why England is a sore topic for me.....you see i was born there and lived part of my childhood there......i feel i have some kinda a copyrights to the place.......also coz i long to go back but havent still got the chance.

Well, somebody famous said " the unexamined life is not worth living" i have examined mine and it totally disgusts me...iam all for the guy who said " ignorance is bliss".

The waiting!

Its been maddening and a totally shitty time for me. My beloved sis was to arrive here on the 5th of march in time for Joshua's 6th b'day.....but no such luck ...the visa did not arrive and till now its gone missing ..............

I HAVE BUGGED NIRU.....endlessly every morning since the 5th wondering if she is coming..............but alas the wait is on.

Ever stretched a rubberband?.......well thats how far my nerves are stretched....can imagine the condition of said nerves on the other side.

All this waiting has turned me into a frustrated and slightly insane or is it inane person.......iam the mother of two kids....but time has proven that any day i can challenge my boys in the art of tantrum throwing.

I literally cried in the car when i heard she was yet again to postpone her trip.....and you can bet your money i was crying merely coz i was not getting my way.( how mature)

I even performed a bit of feet stomping and to the delight and glee of my son,he has totally taken to following mom's footsteps.

anyway when i get like this my sis and me have a term for this kinda behaviour.....we called it " the evil entered me" day......like some poltergist or something.

well as i continue to wait, i hope i dont show the worse of me yet coz believe me i have 3 pairs of eyes watching me.....my sons to enact similar behaviour and in the case of hubby,he can use this as ammunition in our next fight..................so pleez whoever the visa guy is spare me the agony and be a good chap and send it in.