Public musings of a private person.

A dinner rant.

2010-07-12T17:18:00.000-07:00

Jocks sometimes wish that their Numbers could be retired forever, many people have special numbers, lucky numbers and in India and some asian cultures they believe in auspicious times and dates when the moons and suns and gods align. but iam really not into all that kinda stuff......but last night i really wished that i could stand up and give two minutes of silence for 8.15 p.m , you might be scratching your head and wondering what this is all about?! well the significance of 8.15 p.m was" dinner time "back home in my growing up years actually till i was 23 years old....without fail we as a family had dinner together,no books or toys were allowed nothing to distract the family from eating and catching up on the day,though my family is very Britsihified when compared to most Indian families( there are major reasons but thats for another day) when it came to dinner instead of sitting on the dinning table ,we sat in a circle on the floor( how Indian!) ,laughing,shouting even fighting at times, passing the salt ( how ENGLISH!) becoz my dad doesnt eat salt and after years of the" salt debate" that goes on till today at my place. my mom no longer adds salt to the food but we sprinkle it on top of our food. anyway the topic of the said rant is coz of the lack of a proper "dinner time", in todays world or atleast in my home ,we no longer have dinner together, the baby has to be fed first,josh makes such a fuss its like somebody is forcing him to eat bits of cement and gravel, after years of battle ,though he feeds himself now after millions of time outs, alarm clocks, removal of tv time, playground time, punishments and rewards....i still have to monitor him and still our friend manages to eat for an hour plus the longest timed clocked in being 2 plus hours.....so he's the last to get off the table ....hubby cant be relied on to get back at normal dinner time, the world despite all its iphones, blackberys ,macbook and ipads has still not made it any easier to get the man of the house in time for dinner with the four of us.....all this new technology is supposed to make life easier ,one would think people would have more time but most of us are struggling with the 24 hour time limit......so i have my dinner whenever i have a breathing moment and on a good day hubby might join me but my beautiful teak(recycled wood btw) dinning table which i had comissioned lies in the corner gathering dust . i long for 8.15 pm ,i wish i could wave a wand and make it happen just like in the past....modern life has killed the culture of dinner altogether for me. so i pay hommage to the dying art of dinner time and hope against hope that hubby would read this and make it possible. how did our parents do it??? really is it that hard....working all these weird timezones is horrible..........ah i rant on....dont mind me iam in a bit of a foul mood, blame it on the lack of company at dinner time.

Cheers its time to sleep!

2010-07-12T02:22:00.000-07:00

I enjoyed the world cup footie just like the rest. secretly glad its over too, bloody late night T.V was getting on my nerves. even the alarm clock had to do its share of the work.....but sleep deprived people who have to keep themselves awake with intensive games of scrabble are no longer easy to live with.while the whole world suffers withdrawal symptoms i revel that nobody will start hogging the T.V AND F.B will not be flooded with similar posts! The octopus will no longer be harassed with insane questions and made to predict the fate of an entire country, as much as i cheered for my favourites who lost by the way.....thanks for the entertainment FIFA WORLD CUP , time to move on.....much needed sleep its time we catch UP! zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Day and night.

2010-06-24T06:03:00.000-07:00

Was having a bad day. At approximately 4 in the afternoon things took a turn for the better, good music, a game of scrabble, a near win , laughter and a hug later was having the best day in a longtime. At approximately 7 in the evening, i had a lot more to be happy about than when the day began. Good feeling overall. Diagnosis "Good day"

Scary date night.

2010-06-22T17:09:00.000-07:00

I am a typical girl, i get scared at the usual stuff like lizards, cockroaches, moving shadows, etc etc but the stuff that really is not my cup of tea, are "SCARY MOVIES" apart from the fact that the mild range ones and the usual thrillers give me a kick and totally spook me out. lately i have stopped watching scary movies all together and though iam not in my dote age, i have simply sobered down, i rather have a pleasant and much needed sleep these nights than staying awake and reliving the scary bits and even worse controlling my bladder on these nights.....so couple of years ago i called it quits to watching horror movies.
Well after a very longtime last week hubby rented a horror movie behind my back and wanted me to watch it with him ,i refused and with thanks went to bed! but the expression on my hubby's face kept haunting me ,it said.....gosh you're such a spoilsport and you are always complaining that you never have time to do some couch time with me alone anymore....so i leaped out of my warm bed, longlingly looked at both my boys asleep peacefully and thought with a sigh iam gonna regret this in the morning.
Hubby beamed when he saw me and patted the seat beside him, patiently rewinding from the beginning.....well the rest you can imagine!!!
The movie in all honesty was not scary at times even funny....but unfortunately iam easy spooked,so after the movie was done we hit the sack groaning at the lateness of the hour and having the usual regrets, funny thing was the moment i tried closing my eyes my over-imaginative mind went into overdrive and lo and behold i was scared....hubby asked me what the matter was and i asked if i could hold his hand, he laughed and said ok.
At somepoint in the night i wokeup and found my hand and shoulder a bit stiff, i realised hubby was still holding my hand.
Yes my lovely readers its time for the you to realise its time to say awwwww!
i dont believe i am too old, but i've been married for a longtime (coz we really got married young )next year we will be celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary. so ya we dont get googly eyed at each other and we have kinda got comfortable with each other but i loved the fact that we held each others hand like teenages and slept. so hubby if you are reading this bring on some more of those horror movies iam ready for a night of popcorn and soppy handholding :)))

Dessert for the weary soul!!!

2010-04-22T03:25:00.000-07:00

People talk about bare necessities ie, food ,shelter and blah blah.....i say add friends to that list too....talking of friends i have to tell you about one of mine who raised the bar on making friends a must have this season!!!!
Kellin my dear girl i have known for the past 8 years i met her one day when i was a first time mom with a 3 month old baby and a homesick heart, she instantly became my friend the second she offered me a sandwich that sunday morning soon after she said hi!!! she was my first chinese friend in Singapore....new to the city far from home ,lonely coz of all the nightshifts hubby was putting in and clueless about babies ,her daily calls to me cheered me up no end!!!!
She is such a blast!!! i always tell people everyone needs a kellin in their life....she is a ray of sunshine and an ever optimistic chatterbox.....we've have close times and distant times over the years. but.......
The other day i bumped into her in the lift , i was struggling with loads of bags and joash the brat was clinging to me, i must have looked a wreck coz an hour after i bumped into her. the doorbell rang , she was carrying a box of Rainbow ruby ice kechang( shaved ice with coconut milk, gulla melaka and more kinda red stuff) all the way from Serangoon Gardens just for me... i tell you i just went to the study sat on the blue sofa and just ate it like a kid....i felt like one too and in that moment all was right with the world once again.....only after an hour it hit me she had done the most unexpecting and heart warming thing anybody had done for me in a longtime...the last time i felt like that was when one day my dad came home from office with the most amazing gateaus ever and we were not expecting it!!!! You ask why wud any one do such stuff the answer is..."just like that" !!! i wish more people do this kinda a thing for each other......just like that ....just for you ,coz you'd like it ,coz it would make you happy.......we all let each other down nowadays, wish we could build each other up instead!!!! in this hot country there is no soup for the soul only ice cool desserts for the soul !!! kellin spared a thought for me one tired mom to another.....she understood she proved that everyone can do without many things but none can replace a good friend.
Kellin thanks for being my friend! thank you and i love you!!!
So go on add a friend to your shopping cart , having a good one is a must this season!!!

Birdie woes!!!

2010-03-24T20:27:00.000-07:00

The stuff iam about to share might make you wonder about my sanity or lack of it......but hey its me so iam sure this doesnt come as a surprise !
Gosh saying it aloud is crazy but iam having bird problems...you must be going huh???!!!! ya ya i know it but its true recently i've been suffering from insomnia due to some lousy meds dat i need to take( no they are not looney pills!) anyway just as dawn is breaking i slip into the much needed sleep and lo and behold at bloody ( forgive my lang) 5 o clock our resident( kokila) bird starts its loud cooing (i always associated cooing with love birds silly me!) and off it goes for 2 bloody hours koooo oooo ooo koooo koooooo , i mean hey desperately in need of sleep person dying can we cut that out or what.......perhaps i 've understated the prob, but this has gone on for days......everybody is pissing mad come morning but does our friend the lonely or more like bloody bird relent nooooooooo it just keeps at it!!! well respite came a couple of days ago ,the bloody bird(BB in short) didnt start its racket.....bliss bliss iam sleeping and thinking hey imagine telling anybody that a tiny bird is in control of your sanity....ha ha ha i thought what a laugh.....poor birdie must have found the other birdie it so desperately needed to get in touch with.....damn it i began to feel all lovey dovey towards the BB !!!
Next day poor me was up trying to sleep and finally around 3.00 am my peepers started to droop....eternal bliss must feel like this....around 4.am the BB is back with a bang ...hey whats that racket !!!!!!!!!!!!! not this crap again!!! with bloodshot eyes and crazy hair i dash out ready to kill somebody and if you ask me really i wanted to wring the neck of the BB !!!! i dont believe in Guns at all ,i dont allow my boys even a toy gun....but suddenly i wanted one badly to shoot BB , hubby who didnt suffer much coz of said BB, as we all know Men are never effected by nagging or kids screaming or loud heavy metal music coz they have fine tuned" the art of mental blocking any irrelevant sounds".
He woke up to a wife foaming at the mouth and crying for blood!!! after hearing my tirade he didnt know whether he needed to call the Animal rescue or Mental health......i know its funny you may laugh people but poor me was a sleepless zombie !!!
Anyway thats all in the past the BB disappeared for a bit and i thought of "it" coz "It" made a guest visit this morning again. so i thought i'd get it off my chest before you read in tomoro's news "WOMAN ON RAMPAGE ARRESTED FOR CRUELTY TOWARDS RESIDENT BIRD" please dont judge me too harshly coz iam just another sleepless sod who lost it!!!
anyway to end this episode of my life threatening woes......i recently remembered a movie.....again pleez dont judge my taste in movie but there is this sideline story in the movie"Failure to Launch" where a girl is similarly harrassed by a bird ...pleez go to You Tube and check that bird episode out!!! its funny and exactly how i feel......so ciao my friends pray that i get the much needed shut eye and deliverance from the BB.

Fear!

2010-02-08T20:53:00.000-08:00

I've been afraid many times in my life, shit scared too. But this time round it gripped my heart with a vice like grip! give me a moment before i explain myself. sometimes i write on this blog vaguely becoz there are things that are too hard to share......so we hid behind doors and only let out the safe stuff but i want to change all that crap of taking time to heal , or hiding it under a deep recess of my mind.

What i share today is something personal ,something real.....believe me when i say iam not doing this for sympathy or any support..... i just want to say it out loud so "Fear will not hold me prisoner but hope will set me free".

Even as i write this i have already overcome part of the fear, i have made peace with the demons inside and am slowly understanding things are not as bad as i first thought or imagined.

So to get to the point joash my youngest is 2 years 7 months and is not talking much which btw is normal for some kids but i was beginning to get scared about some of the things he was doing!!!!

we've been to a doc and a couple of speech therapists and have decided to start him on it! yesterday was his first session and he did good! it was fun actually....so iam hoping that in the coming months my dahlin boy will start rattling off like good ole me.....but this irrational fear follows me around nowadays!!!

so if you pray sometimes or all the time ! just say a prayer for my baby and me !

I told my eldest josh recently that joey his kid bro was not speaking and as we are concerned ,he will be going to speech therapy, so pleez be patient with your baby bro when he bops you on the head instead of saying whats on his mind! i asked him pleez pray for joey ok! and he said ok mummy i will! the very next day instead of buying himself a snack with the money i gave him. he bought his bro a small ball!!! joey was soooooo happy! but i was touched that a 7 year old had his bro on his mind even at school.....i mean just tugs at your heart strings( and you guys know what a sentimental loser iam )

People always say Mom's are strong and i guess they are, but they are vulnerable too and sometimes need a bit of rallying around ! iam not feeling real strong but i feel the strength creeping in my veins slowly and steadily .Its funny how one thinks of themselves in different roles but as of now i just feel like a "mom" all other personas have faded at the moment.

dont know how to end this.....so i will just say i might be overeacting and so on so forth( so dont share this stuff with others!!! special warning to family members!!!)

wow saying things loud always does make things better! Thanks for listening anyway!!!

Gosh its proven i need a head check!

2010-01-29T01:52:00.000-08:00

There is no shortcut to saying this but i got a nasty shock a couple of days ago.....a random fellow blogger left me a nasty comment .....well! stupid me immediately went ahead an reacted and wrote an equally childish retort on said person's blog.......what is wrong with me, you say ?!( just the usual) soon after i deleted said msg coz poor me couldnt handle the truth.( ha ha ha !!!!!)

Truth is the chap though equally insane like me did have some home truth's for me...firstly he called me" pathetic" , thinking objectively i guess from his point of view i must have really looked so.....just to clarify i agree with "you"(random blogger) wholeheartedly! secondly he said i was so sick to be indulging in my "pleez love me a little syndrome" that i needed to be locked away......... this i totally well i partially agree with......firstly every person to think about themselves cant be locked away now can they?! i believe healthcare systems are finding it hard to find places in looney bins for the real criminally insane to begin with.....doesnt anyone read the bloody newspapers anymore???? and regards to the fact that i am a bit sad and indulge myself on my own blog ,which btw was the main purpose for its creation, i will continue to beg for love if i want too!!!!

its not like i am asking anybody to send me guns nor iam plotting to start shooting random people at the mall......Even the "Beatles" my fave band in their song say " all you need is love"...so said person back off!!!!

lastly i was accused of being shameless to think of myself when millions of people in this world where suffering and dying and there was more of that stuff.......i mean helloooooooooooo

where did that come from seriously that was unfair and uncalled for.......this is serious i mean my mom would always start off with random stuff like this all the time " did you know that people in somalia are dying of hunger and you refuse to eat your spinach" really i mean i know what she was saying but hell i dont like spinach( i love it now btw and of course iam not a kid anymore either)

Peoples i love the dying masses as much as the next person unless he belonged to the Taliban mindset.

Everytime there is a Tsuanmi or Bomb blast or Earthquake , i equally feel and am angered by the hate and destruction ...... i even do my part in whatever small way i can.......and yes i am not with Doctors without Borders, or an Activist for human rights or a Volunteer at the Red cross. but i care enough ,you random stranger, i care enough to rant and rave and be candid about" my pathetic life" as you put it. so that when i get off my computer i can go back to being sane and a caring and loving mom.....i do my part alright!!!

what this world needs is well adjusted kids and adults ...so if my being home and "trying" to bring up the next generation to be normal bothers you (again random blogger) i am sorry you feel that way! i really dont have to answer to you or anyone......coz like the rest of the world iam just trying!!!!

so you think i need my head examined or a real good kick in the ass for being such a cry baby!!! i agree with you but thanks for the reality check anyway!!!!

About deep ends and year ends.

2009-12-20T20:47:00.000-08:00

Two years a ago soon after i turned 30 i plunged into a deep abyss which has lasted for two years and now at age 32, i can finally say that the dark cloud has passed ....my hubby might not agree with me. he might ask me who was that screaming banshee just a couple of weeks ago....this will be my answer " duh ever heard of PMS" so i still get down and i still wish i could strangle a lot of people from time to time but thats just part of the natural cycle of life...not the deep abyss i was talking about....

sometime in 2008 when i escaped to my bosom friend aps place to clear the chaos that my mind couldnt make sense of i wrote down a list (not the insane or silly stuff i post on my blog) but the real one nobody has seen......well as this dark cloud has lifted i have found out that almost 99% of the list has come true and a million of my prayers answered.

i have travelled more times this year than my jetsetting hubby.

Done stuff i never done in my life......got more gifts , surprises good and bad and much much more.

i have made peace with a lot of my inner demons and discovered a load more about myself and others.

iam a person who believes in certain intangible stuff in life.....a couple of years ago no matter what i did i kept bumping into the word " Faith'' i couldnt understand its true meaning....2 years ago i even thought i 'd name my 2nd child Faith if the baby turned out to be a girl....alas i had a boy but you must understand how strong this word was hitting me.....i had no clue that over the last two years how close i came to losing faith in God and mankind.....i was on the brink of giving up on the human race as a whole( no this doesnt mean i wanted to off myself) i now see it was just a reminder that tough times happen and i was to simply to " keep the faith".

Now that i have come back to myself this past year a new word has made its presence felt "HOPE" i am really feeling a whole lot healither inside....my hubby bought me a beautiful delicate necklace for christmas ( shhhh i am not supposed to know of course) but guess what the pendant on it said "HOPE "!!!!!!!!! on a tiny coin both in English and Hindi what are the odds????!!!!

so as the year winds to an end iam full of buck and beans and looking forward to a good year with a grateful heart for all the good and bad stuff coz sometimes its the bad stuff that teaches us who we really are and helps us understand a bit more of life. so here's to Hope !!!!!! and i wish you all a Blessed year ahead!

Sister of my Heart.

2009-09-21T20:59:00.000-07:00

Its been a week since my sis left after a month long vacation with me. iam much better now but i was suffering from serious seperation anxiety and depression soon after her departure...which iam sure is normal but this time round i felt her absence keenly. Nins my sis and i have an 18 month age difference , as long as i remember she has always been a round ,we played together ,went to school together ,we shared the same bedroom and wardrobe all our lives....as all siblings do, we had our share of love ,hate and fights.
I've never really been apart from her most of my life apart from the odd stay over at a friend's....in 1999-2000 she left to pursue her higher studies in Australia, i never realised she was going away and life would never be the same ever again, it only struck me at the airport the moment she waved one last time before disappearing, i broke down in the airport and cried like a baby everyone was staring but i didnt give a hoot, just before leaving and giving me the last hug she handed me a letter i dont remember what it said but she did say she loved me.....that was the moment i felt a premonition that life would never be the same.( around the same time aps my best friend left for pune and deep my hubby and then boyfriend was overseas working)
when i went home her bed was stripped naked and her side of the cupboard stood half open revealing its empty shelves, i felt hollow inside and ever so lonely.
My premonition came true the following year i got married and moved to Singapore , my sister missed my wedding but aps stood in for her as my maid of honour. Life was never the same!
over the years we've had holidays and reunions with her.....but this holiday made a big diffrence coz it was a longer holiday than usual and as you must know i live with boys ,i forgot how wonderful hanging out with a girl was like laughing at private jokes, looking at each other with understanding even though no words were uttered, shoppping(iam not a shopper but i got converted coz of her for a while) dressing up to go to dinner,gossiping and catching up on ole friends and dissecting others behaviour....movies , food, music dancing the whole nine yards.....it was a blast.

I miss her a lot! but i know she's a phone call away and we will meet soon! In case she's reading this just wanted you to know. I am glad i have a sister and i am glad its you! Thanks for being around! love you. miss you sleeping beauty!

Sleeping beauty.

2009-08-03T18:54:00.000-07:00

Iam a light sleeper.My sis on the other hand is what we Indians call "KUMBHAKARANA"( a character in Indian mythology who sleeps for 6 months and then eat a lot the other 6 months) when it comes around to the sleep factor.
Sleep is next to Godliness in her book. her sleeping patterns are much fodder for family get together jokes. but here's an incident which my father still cannot believe to be true.
Long long time ago in the good ole days ,when i was still in school and reed thin. one day we had to go out for a get together and my sis had an exam the next day and was left behind at home....we asked her to lock up the house from the inside and told her we would be back in no time as an extra measure we locked the house from the outside too.
so dahlin sister in true fairytale fashion was locked in the castle like a good ole princess.
After a couple of hours had passed we all returned home , the lock was opened but my sis had locked the door on the inside....so we rang the bell and waited there was no sound of my sister coming down the staircase....we then yelled up at the bedroom window still no news of the dear girl! having waited ...we the mob kinda got a bit worried and angry too.after hammering on the door and yelling at every window that my sister couldnt possibly ignore ...i was made to climb the chiku tree that leaned against the upstairs open courtyard from which the doors to the bedroom, could be accessed and which were left open most of the time.....so i legged it up the tree over the parapet wall and into the courtyard only to find dahlin sister had locked the doors from the inside i pushed at the door and through the chink could see her lying on the bed a few meters away....so i yelled for her to open the door and banged the door in anger but still no response.....finally i who could put a paper to shame had to pry open the windows to the livingroom slither through the bar which believe me even my skinny son cannot go through...of coz bruising my ribs et all got into the house ...went down the stairs and opened the door.....my Dad who is the most peaceful man i know on earth and who would give a murderer the benefit of the doubt....suddenly saw red...he marched upstairs and woke up Sleeping beauty who from the look of it was sleeping as if only a kiss from a prince could wake her up from the living dead situation. once aroused my dad accused her of being petty and she neednt have pretended to be asleep just coz we had left her alone....for those who know my sister ....who is a cool cucumber if i may say so....just rubbed her eyes sleepily and smiled ...this my father thought was a sure sign that she was feigning it......but truth be told till today she holds out that she was really sleeping!!!!
anyway the reason iam telling you all this is coz my sister who currently lives in Aussieland is coming down for a visit soonish...i called her this morning ( afternoon in downunder) and it was my phone call that woke her up ...i told her she better try waking up early as the time difference would kill her and her sleep cycles once she was here......she laughed said she'd try and i thought " right!!! pigs will fly next"
so sleeping or not iam totally looking forward to the arrival of" Sleeping beauty".hippieeeeeeeee to the reunion of the ya ya sisterhood!
Cant wait to have some female bonding....after being smothered by male company with my bunch of boys....totally looking forward with much anticipation!!! Just cant wait!!!

My to do Check list!

2009-07-28T20:54:00.000-07:00

I have delibrately decided to write despite the fact that my grey matter including the remaining goo like matter has oozed out of my brain and i can sense flies or such creatures buzzing in my empty upper storey ....i have come to the important conclusion that i must and will continue blogging despite no topic or idea coming to mind ....simply coz i cant take this writers block anymore......so i convinced myself that i will cook up something and perhaps unlock my dead imagination....so bear with me peoples!

so here goes the list:-

1. i will write marvellous write ups in the near future.
2.i will become a sparkling conversationalist and peoples will flock around to hear
my stuff.
3.i will go to Photography classes and become a wonderful phototaker.
4.i will learn to bake and make a kickass wedding cake with dainty flowers et all.
5.i will get back my posh british accent and just love talking that way though iam sure to annoy a couple of people.
6.i will win the battle of the bulge come what may and get back at some people who have been giving me a pretty bad time.
7.i will continue to salivate over some people like Johnny Depp, James Mcavoy n Jonathan Rhys Meyers.( sorry hubby i cant help it .... but you're still the one i Love)
8. Buy Loads of BOOKS!!!!!
9. i will take a walk in the rain delibrately of course.....gosh the last time i did that was 10 years ago.
10.i will one day have a beautiful garden....yes yes i will......and if i dont have green fingers i will cultivate them.
11. i will grow my hair long and try not to cut it half way down the required length.
12. i will learn how to wear eyemake-up without poking myself in the eye and going blind in the process and make my eyes all smoky and hot!!!! sigh this one may be a dream.
13. blah blah blah......sorry the tom boy in me rebelled the moment i tried to become all girly....can you believe it next thing i know i would be taking moisteurising to a new level (in my case hard to believe). so i will stop before iam gonna give up and back pack into the wilderness and be eaten my wild beasts.
thanks for all those who wasted their precious time on reading this junk...im so grateful....hopefully i will write some brillant stuff next time round and knock your socks off!! till then
ciao.

On being a mom!

2009-07-01T19:07:00.000-07:00

Friday last week saw me in tears and feeling emotions i didnt know one could feel! damn being a mom its horrid ... the helplessness one feels when one cant help their child in pain.....joash had to go through a minor surgery and they couldnt really help him with the pain for various reasons.....though the torture lasted a couple of mins ...i couldnt handle it at all......it was so horrid.i wish i could take all the pain and hold him tight but i couldnt...it was like something out of a nightmare....but the dahlin bounced back just like kids have a wonderful way of doing!!!!

so glad and relieved !!!! Gosh being a mom is tough! but i wouldnt change that for anything in the world!

something warm and fuzzy.

2009-06-24T04:29:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my baby boy, joash did something i have never saw him do before.....the little tyke is down with a bad viral fever but nothing keeps the fella down...he plays as usual and makes cheeky little faces at you , after pulling my hair for the nth time when i finally think he's been at it too longer i will give him a firm "no joey" immediately his face changes , he's hurt and cant understand how anybody can scold him, in fact being the youngest and the baby of the house has spoiled him rotten...he believes that nobody should scold him ...in fact sometimes his expression gives you the impression that says "how dare you curb me or my activities".......

but the poor chap feels poorly from time to time ....he will come around and ask me for a hug or he'll go to tess and play the poor me face card and win a hug from that quarter too...but what amazes me is since he's been sick.....he grabbed my t-shirt which was left hanging on the door ...and started carrying around ...at first i thought it was a game but soon i realised that he was it carrying around like a security blanket...coz it smelled like mummy...awwww my heart melted....coz unlike most babies both of my kiddos are very independent ..unless very tired or in a strange place they dont cling...or constantly seek our attention ....they are very independent!!! so when the same thing happened today morning....off he went in search of the same red t-shirt and spent the whole day trailing it all around!! it warms my heart!!!!
how wonderful to know that ...i am that person who makes him feel safe and secure...and when iam busy..my t-shirt which smells like me....will keep him company and it makes him feels like i am around!!!!
lovely.....certain smells and sounds remind me of home and things with nostalgia ....its so heart warming to know i mean soo much too him.....i know it will pass , as kids grow up and also away from their parents we are no longer the center of their universe, but iam glad to know for the moment ...iam the most important person in the world for him!!!!
thanks joey we've made your mother's day!!! love ya!

The different me.

2009-06-23T03:14:00.000-07:00

The last two months have been busy busy busy.....first i went for a short five day workshop in may....to check out if i could hold any clout being in the art world alas as fun and enlightening as it was i came to the realistic conclusion that in another birth or time i could have been a patron of arts but not the creator of anything closely resembling the fine arts....so that dream along with the boat crashed and burned !!!!

then my birthday came by, which was a happy time hubby made it real special and folks iam 32 yes yes dahlings there is no shame ....officially i've two legs in the thirties and i feel gooooood!!!! i sported a flashy jade green top and almost killed hubby trying to wear my hot red shoes ...iam sure he thought his wife was a hop,jump skip away from joining the looney bin....but no such luck honey!!! in a couple of years perhaps....iam loving the new 30's person who has emerged ...i who wanted no jewellery and wore subdued colours for my own wedding.....have become a colour freak and large jewellery is kinda my latest thing....bold is my middle name.....loving it!!!!

Joash my baby turned two!!!! time flies!!! with josh my eldest time went by slowly but with the super brat all things are whizzing by!!! joey is a cheeky bugger and more alive than any picture could captured ...so my little rascal hope to see many more fun filled years to come with you!!! God bless you!

June saw me breaking a leg at a friends party ....dancing???? you say yes folks dance is an unknown factor in my DNA ....but must be that small amount of the "juice" which my system cudnt contain .....made me "FEEL" all apsarasa like....gosh donno how embrasssing it all was...but who cares??? not me!!! no sireeee!

Then came the piece de resistance for our recent family vacation and i mean my hubby's entire family trooped over to 'Nepal' hubby bought me wait !!!!its a big one!!!!A Nikon D90!!!! iam over the moon...in 1997 i thought God please let me have a camera .....i want to be a photographer.....finally God has answered....whats not to like about the thirties???!!!
Nepal on the other hand was beautiful yet disappointing cant explain !!! people its not cold at all unless you are actually heading for the Everest peak! plus all of us took turns having the runs and vomitting...so it was a total wash out!

My friend recently had a blast on her beeday which she totally deserves , many more to you babe!!!!!!
and honestly what more could a girl ask for all i can say is" it is well ,it is well with my soul!!!!"

The circle.

2009-04-08T19:49:00.001-07:00

Empty spaces echo in heart and hearth
charity is an illness and has no cure
staying,yet leaving only in the mind's window
knowing,debating and minding
Oh minding endlessless,like a dog after its tail.
escape the tedious waiting....oh the waiting
ceaslessly in the mind's labyrinth
waiting, waiting never resolving
never leaving,never changing.
charity is an illness and has no cure.

Perspective.

2009-04-08T00:39:00.000-07:00

I live in Singapore....the land of progress and every thing new. It is a so called developing/ developed countries in Asia.
Most of the families here have both the husband and wife working and so most of these couples need somebody at home to clean-up ,cook and take care of the children....so having a full-time maid is quiet common...expensive but a necessicity one cannot do without. These maids come from poor countries like Philipines, Srilanka and mostly from Indonesia.....their salaries are low but when they send their money home it helps stave off the debtors and keeps them from starving....so these women leave their families and children and come working far from home and do their duty to their families.

Here is a true incident i encountered , My friend S has a srilankan maid.....we call her Nanny.....she has 3 grown children and her youngest was about to get married.she was heading home to attend it . every 2 years the Maids get their 1 month homeleave. i was visiting my friend S and i saw that Nanny was very excited and happy, as always i asked after her health and family and she beamed at me and told me the good news of her daugthers impending nuptials....i was happy for her....she then ran into the room she shares with the daugther of the house and began to show me the white sari she bought for the wedding ceremony and the peach one for the reception to follow.....It was lovely! the sarees where not expensive but simple and sweet and i was happy for her.
i then returned to my conversation with my friend and i saw nanny leave the house and come back an hour later with a truckload full of newspaper i asked my friend what does she want with all the stuff......S explained that Nanny had collected and bought many things for her family over the past two years....clothes old and new, glass bowls, milk powder, soaps etc to give to all her family members when she went home and she would be wrapping all those things with the newspaper....i was a bit taken aback and said i didnt think the Airlines would allow so such luggage.....Nanny laughed and bid me to follow her....in her room stood a container which covered the entire room...she said she would be shipping it back ...so that by the time she reached the container would be docked at a port near her home town for collection......she beamed at me like Santa claus .she told me magazines and newspaper were hard to buy for the poor people of their war ravaged country and so when they unwrapped the goodies inside they could read the articles on the newspaper wrappings......boy was i blown away!!!! i was speechless!!! touched beyond words! and ashamed at my wonderful life and i had the nerve to be dissatisfied with it!!!! i felt ashamed at the luxurious way i lived and turned my head upwards and Thanked God that i was born into a good family.
I have never seen Nanny sad.....she accepted her life and never gave up on hoping for the best for her kids ....by working hard her kids have good jobs and are well settled the youngest is now a trained midwife and recently i heard expecting her first baby......Nanny you amaze me!
i think i've written and said enough! i think this puts things in perspective!
Dont you think?!

Book zone.

2009-04-02T18:01:00.000-07:00

If you were to ask me what is the one thing you cannot do without my answer would be BOOKS .
From the time i was a kid and i mean really little i've read books and like the character in " To kill a mocking bird" nobody taught me or my sis to read we were born reading, its true!!!and believe me that is not a sign of a genius but a true blue blooded book lover!

My dad tells me his father had a library at home and they were poor folks and read by hurricane lamps !!! so i guess it runs in the blood....my fathers sis is a literature prof and i've even seen her Mphil dissertation which i helped at one point prove read! lofty eh! i remember one day she took me to see her guide at some university too young to remember which one and left me in the library while she had a talk with him......i think that was the best thing that happened to me......the library was mammoth and given my size iam sure it looked even more impressive.....but what i love the most was the smell...no dont worry iam not ga ga yet....but really i love the smell of books they turn me on so to speak......those days books meant kiddy stories and all the classics...i didnt know about Foucault and Trisham shandy.....but i remember choosing a load full of books and taking them to a cubicle and just touching the leather bound books and smelling them and looking at the words.....just sitting there made me feel intellectual!!!!

My fate was sealed that day i decided that i would want to do literature when the time came.....and i did it and i enjoyed it! iam not one of those really deeply crazy philosophical types that wear specks and reads aristotle for breakfast no no iam not so highbrow folks...iam more the fiction type....just to clarify and to also let you know iam not boring either!

Anyway, though i have days when i cant read which happens from time to time...i still have a book around me otherwise i cant sleep or even visit the loo...atleast a page or two and then there are manic days when the world ceases to spin i dont know whats happening and i get into the book zone.....sleep is lost.....daily chores are unbearable and the telephone becomes a pest.....i devour books !!! from last week or more i've gotten into that mode! facebook is something i forget..people i avoid and hubby's coming home late is not bad at all!
I've read "The bookthief" " Harry potter and the Deathly hallows" again while reading " Pride and Prejudice" at the same time and the moment reading " The time travellers wife"....also i confess to reading some light hearted trash by some author whose name i cant even remember....but iam coming out of the zone now coz i can focus on other stuff and even checked the papers for any interesting movies and iam blogging again albeit inane stuff.....i also think the reason i am coming out of the zone is tess( my part time helper) ...its her last day today and i wont be seeing her for a month.....so cant afford to be "lost planet".....but i enjoyed every moment....cant wait for the next crazy book zone session!!!!

Your value???

2009-03-22T07:48:00.000-07:00

Recently i found myself asking the question ,what is my value??? In a fallen world where people judge themselves by their bank balance, the kind of house they live in, what car they drive. what is their ranking and current salary....how many perks are attached to their job portfolio...people are even judged by the phone they carry. their branded clothes...heck even the schools their kids are attending .....how many vacations they have taken......kids parties are places where one parent is trying to outdo the other with the kinds of themes and cakes and goody bags they have given out.......boy i could write lists on this kind of comparsion and lifestyle......
people only feel they have made it! if they measure upto these materialistic symbols.....its a sad day for folk like me ...when all they've got is the number of years we've clocked in and no visible signs of all the hardwork they've accomplished.
people say empty crap like...oh you've done such a good job of raising the kids and how wonderfully you hosted the party you've thrown! some of my friends go as far as telling me...how great you get to chill at home and check your facebook account everyday!!!! boy did that hurt!!!
suddenly i felt like crap...felt like what rot hubby better pay me a salary.....next shopping trip iam gonna shop guilt free ...i mean i deserved all the stuff afterall.....or dont i???
hell i started to feel horrible .....i started to feel regret that i wasted so many years at home doing nothing but change diapers and wash dishes....where is my job satisfaction???...and so the list went on till my head was spinning with self-doubt, million justifications for my said unproductivity and i even worried about my market value .....no experience....no degrees...hell i dont remember even owing a C.V ......i was like totally mind-f------!!!!!
I was about to weep in despair and felt a totally shattered self-worth......but as always i remembered something that somebody told me years ago..its found in the Bible it said something to the effect that" Man looks at the outward appearance but God looks at the heart"
In a moment i felt all better...i felt nobody has the right to judge me and even if they do....i dont care my heart is in the right place.....i know my worth and so does God ....so the rest can do or not do anythingelse.....iam at peace with who iam and what i do! iam afterall human and if somebody told me they appreciated me and what i do.....i would be on cloud 9 !!!!!
but really what's my worth??? at this point i dont really care!!! coz iam invaluable and priceless!
so three cheers for moi...hip hip hurrah!

A mango and a Fall!

2009-03-20T01:27:00.000-07:00

kavya and siri were upto to their usual pranks....afterall it was the summer vacation and school and homework were a distant memory for the next month or so.
Every morning their mother would nag them for a good hour before either of them would stir from their slumber....
but during the summer holidays they were up with the larks....begging for breakfast and waiting for appa (dad) to leave for work....they would fidget and irritate each other till they saw their father put on his shoes and take out the umbrella from the stand and shout out that he was leaving for work and that he would be back... supersitious like all Indians they dare not say iam going but always added the required i will be coming back!

They would hang onto the gate and wave at their father till he turned the corner of their street....with appa out of sight ,the sisters lost no time in giving a big whoopee of joy and dashing off to gather the rest of their friends and the whole morning would be spent in delightful games...

anyway , today was different for some reason they found themselves with only each others company....they began playing amicably till the bickering started....just as they had thought they would start fighting in all earnest.....the snooty girl (sony) who lived upstairs who was always showing off her expensive toys (which by the way she would never share) joined them!
kavya and siri's eyes immediately alighted on the huge juicy yellow mango in her hands!
kavya the eldest couldnt contain herself and asked sony if she would be eating the mango all by herself.....about to answer in the affirmative, sony one of those devious kids one finds in every neighbour , said would give kavya the mango on the condition that she jump off the roof of their 2 storied building!!! one thing kavya couldnt resist was a dare.....siri being the youngest seeing the glint in her sister's eyes knew that her mad sis was about to take up the challenge....so she tried to intervene and tell sony that they didnt want her rotten mango anyway.....but kavya hushed her sister and dashed up the stairs to jump off the roof. sony who thought she was a smartass started to panic....her plan was going awry and a hint of a canning she would get if kavya really took up the challenge loomed large in her mind.
siri knowing kavya started the usual tattletale story of chechi ( elder sister)if you dont come down i will go and call amma( mother) NOW!
Looking up the girls spotted kavya on top of the roof....without a single glimmer of hesitation she leaped off the building to the horror of the young girls down below..............there was a lot of screaming and the next thing they heard was a loud thud as kavya landed on the ground at their feet and then there was silence not even waiting to see if her sis was alright siri took off to get her amma and all this while sony was screaming kavya's dead , kavya's dead!!!!!!

when siri and her mom came running , they found a winded but uninjured kavya trying to stand up while dusting her skirt at the sametime ,she was moaning in pain! her mother both relieved and angry didnt know what to say and demanded the whole story ! The mother held onto kavya's ear and told her she would be learning her lesson soon enough ....she informed the girls "wait till appa comes home ...surely your goose will be cooked"!

Leading the girls inside their mother turned to tell sony that she had been a very bad girl! kavya was quiet throughout the reprimanding suddenly burst out saying i mean iam gonna get punished anyway but can i have my "mango please"! afterall i did jump didnt i?! everybody was flabbergasted...but today years later it only brings out good memories and laughter !!!!

p.s: Fiction.

Proud mama!

2009-03-13T20:45:00.000-07:00

Honestly speaking i always thought i was one of those cool mom's who love their children to death regardless of how they fare in life!

To a certain extent i think iam right about myself, i know that no matter what my kids do in life...whether they are successful or not,my love for them will remain strong.....in fact i hear and believe to be true that mothers are always protective and anxious about the weaker child.

Anyway, personally i've seen too many parents who are parital to the most successful of their children and show some amount of dissappointment or disapproval of a child that doesnt do well!

i think that is a very unfair and cruel way of thinking as you destroy the self-esteem of the child who for various reasons or standards set by this world are unable to make it!

I've also seen parents ,who are never satisfied no matter what their kids do and push the kids to do stuff they were not meant to do ...its a high pressure situation as the child is doing things to please the parent and win their approval.

Of course there is also the indifferent and neglectful parent who does nothing and ruin their children's chances and potential to make it in this world.

I know there is no perfect parent as sometimes i see joshua and joash unhappy with me..josh at times feels that mummy is too strict and hard on him, and joash of course wants a free reign to create mayhem.....i have to remind myself that iam the parent and though i want to be their friend too....as many books tell me i have to get real...as this is not the age or stage for that kinda parenting given that my kids are too young!

I see parents ( also me) making the kids join this class or another all with good intentions...which parent wouldnt like to see their kids shine? also in singapore where i live there is a lot of pressure on kids to do well n they r stressed out!!!! i believe certain amount of pressure is necessary to push children to do well ...i meant josh wouldnt want to read if i never made that a good habit!

sometimes we also lose sight that we need to try something different or another mode of teaching to help ,every child is different dont i know that josh and joey are chalk n cheese.....the same stuff i used on josh seems to produce no effect on joash.....anyway the thing is i also want to praise my child when he does something good even if it is something small......this friday at sports day joshua did well...his team won the gold for baton relay running...we didnt even know he was participating .....it was a happy day for me....josh has always been a hyperactive child and he is also very fast at running away !!!they say that boys generally are more active but in josh's case a tad bit more than usual......finally we have found a way to channel his unending restlessness....and i say Josh,mum n dad are real proud!!! keep up the good work!

i dont know why i wrote this longwinded treatise on parenting that was not my intention but i am sure it was meanttobe...so dont throw stuff at me...iam no expert......just a mom yabbering her stuff!

In memorium!

2009-03-13T02:26:00.000-07:00

We were walking around the three of us ! a new place for all of us......one couple and i was the only one person who was crowding the unholy trinity....but the moment we stepped onto this place we found that we were not 3 people anymore,there was a strong presence of another person....yes we couldnt see "him" but he was there alright! we all sensed "him", how couldnt we...the place we visited was raved about and was the said person's favourite place as a young chap ....he had explored its beauty and treasures alone.

i know iam not a top class writer but like all good or bad writers....our deepest longing is to put in words, emotions, feelings, point of views, colours , textures.....we are artist 's of a kind only our medium is words.....sometimes we are voyuers into life and people, we cannot help...plagarising from life...from stealing perhaps that which we have no rightful claim. so forgive me if i am treading on sacred ground but something is compelling me to write......could it be deep down a need never to forget somebody who is close to ones heart! i dont know...........

anyway...each of us reacted differently to the said presence......i recollected "him" with fond thoughts, one of us, become very sensitive to the other person and tried to be normal and give space to the person who was effected the most by" him"....why wouldnt he ....afterall can one truly ever forget ones sibling.....instantly a change came over my friend .....he became subdued ,everything took on a different meaning....my friends eyes reflected shades of grief, loss and a heartwrenching longing that he would give anything to recall the presence to life.....his eyes hungrily devoured the million wares displayed as if looking on these things would bring back something that the other had seen.....but in a way my friend did...he connected with "him".....it was a shared understanding ....and in that silence they were together! we all do that when a person we love goes away and we miss them, if we happen to visit a fave haunt....all the memories come flooding...filling us with a little ache of longing....of even sometimes a bittersweet feeling! sometimes we dont always understand our loved ones...we might know them well...but all of us have hidden recesses deep in our soul....but when moments like this happen ....a clarity of the why and how is granted us.

i asked my friend a couple of times ...if he was ok! but he reallly wanted to wrap that moment around him like a blanket and disappear into its sensations....well nothing lasts forever and he eventually returned to us as we left the place....we sensed the presense no longer "he" had disappeared into the folds of the unknown from where "he" had come ....perhaps at the beckoning of a brother's heart.
dahlin boy ...we miss you as another year of your passing remembers you.....we love you ! for in death we grant you our unconditional love....keep visiting us!

Hello sunshine!

2009-03-08T18:57:00.000-07:00

Joshua has to wake up at 5.30 am everyday to catch the school bus on time......ever since jan this year.....i hear the alarm go off..i hear hubby shuffle outta bed.....i mumble something to the effect like.....tomoro i will send josh to school and plonk right back into bed....only when deep is outta town i have been forced to wake up and drop josh....which for some weird reason i was finding hard to do...i wake up at 4-4.30 am no prob....6.00am no prob....but 5.30 am had become my time to go into my deep sleep pattern.......so everyday hubby comes home dead tired from work and complains that he is up with the larks and damn tired......everyday i have been telling hubby how sorry iam and definitely tomoro i will drop josh.....hubby just laughs!!!!!

anyway my plan from jan has been to get up in the morning drop off josh at the bustop and start going for walks or atleast bicycle......3 months later....today without a hitch i woke up ....yay! dropped josh off and had a wonderful walk...ya ya you cynics i know what you are thinking lets see how long this lasts.....well iam happy i started and i hope tomoro i will be up with the larks and hopefully this happy and healthy phase continues...send me your good wishes people....i need it!" so here's to you kid!"( kid been moi of coz ha ha ha)

Josh celebrates another year!

2009-03-05T17:04:00.000-08:00

Joshua was born on 6th march 2002 @ 1.22 pm! the moment they plonked him on me
funnily nothing of the ma ki mamta bit happened...i was not one of those johnson baby advert mothers
who wept with tears of joys...nope not me....but the feeling did creep up unnoticed in the days following his birth

i remember when he was born , deep kept saying he looked like me...i thought what he meant was he's ugly...boy was i wrong! in fact i didnt recognise josh when they had bathed him and finally bought him to the room, i told the nurse
this was not my baby...the nursed panicked , but luckily , his name tag confirmed him as mine and he had the marks of the forceps on his face alrite.....he was beautiful....everyone thought he was Eurasian! which not far from the truth in a way, as both deep and me come from different races...he's aryan while iam a dravidian!

well, it goes without saying as a first time parent everything seemed difficult and wonderful...and i must admit that deep and me had the most marvellous time bringing up josh....josh by comparision to any child is an easy child by nature...i have never saw him scream or shout or throw a tantrum , yes from time to time he behaved badly thats coz he always was and is a hyper child, uber active and carefree! but with him i had my fair share of probs....the fact that he never eats....now he is better but that is in comparision to his non- eating days...he suffers from allergies and is a bit on the delicate side...the worst trait of all is he never goes to bed early...i think for a person who needed 8 hours of sleep i was turned into a sleepless zombie.

honestly after joash the brat was born i realised i had a veritable angel and i never appreciated it! after 5 years of stardom ,josh was dethroned and of coz he felt it and acted up and of coz going to school and picking up bad habits were bound to happen...but nontheless...josh is the best child anybody can ask for.....he's smart ,goodlooking, intelligent, friendly and clean...but what appeals the most to me about him is his nature...he is very loving! i feels that's very important....alongside with character.

As my first born and only child and companion in a new country for ages...josh will always be special, i believe each child is special to a parent in different ways...so is the case with josh...and hard as it is to admit...but josh has always been he's daddy's boy...it was bound to happen!

I think we forget so many things that our children do as kids but some memories remain etched in memory, one such incident is...when i was expecting joey, i was suffering from terrible nausea and one day when i was throwing up in the toilet bowl, i felt a tiny hand rubbing my backing saying are you ok mummmy! nobody taught him to do that...even in my sick state i couldnt help feeling touched...there was nobody to take care of him as deep used to travel a lot! he learned to bathed himself ,feed himself and generally was such an angel...and today my angel who was a baby yesterday....has turned 7 years old and has spelling tests! gosh when did that happen??? anyway i am Thankful to God for my sweetheart! and pray for God's blessings on him!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY joshy! I love you! no matter what you will always be my no 1 guy! loads of kisses and hugs!

A wonderful month!

2009-02-26T18:02:00.000-08:00

Of all the months in the year i never thought much of the weird "feb" , but as of now the year 2009 , i can safely say its one of the best months in the year!
this month had me travelling from India to attend my close friends wedding, to going off to cambodia on a secret 3 day anniversary holiday( pssssssssst pleez readers of this blog do not tell anybody as my family back home doesnt know abt it) with hubby and today the newlyweds are heading to singapore on their way back from their honeymoon and i will get to hang out, albeit for a couple of hours!
Yes at the moment life is beautiful, i wish to write abt ash's wedding and my trip to India as a single person ....not happened since i got married and had children...it was a break of a lifetime and i feel so much more refreshed and ready to face the challenges life has in store....this year has been taxing in the sense that from being a mom with two kiddos and taking care of their basic needs...i now have a son who has to be coached at studies and plus deal with a toddler....i now am able to do it gladly just coz i got a break.....i think we all need such short reprieves!

Since
hubs and moi got married way too young and had a kiddo quiet early ( my dahlin josh) i think it was tough with no family in a different country....but going away with hubby made me realise that we should never forget that we are married to our spouses and not our kids...they will eventually leave the nest! though kids are important and vital....we must nuture our relationship as a couple.....odd as it was being without the kids ...we felt so free and believe me,hubs and yours truly, didnt have a single fight! though i did throw a mini tantrum when the blazing sun got to me and hubby wanted to carry on sightseeing! anyway the trip to Cambodia also requires me to do a small write up by itself.......
i have loads to share ash's wedding, meeting up with ole friends and family...and all that glorious food! so hang on folks lots of stuff coming up! so stay tuned!!!

Just for you!

2009-02-09T19:16:00.000-08:00

i am reading this book and it quoted a few lines from an Italian song.....kinda liked it! so here it goes

E tu dice: 'I' parto,addio!'
T'alluntane da stu core...
Da la terra da l'ammore...
Tiene'o core'e nun turna'?*

*So you say,"Farewell, I'm leaving!"
Going far from what the heart clings to...
From the land where you found love ...
But would you not rather come back?

beautiful aint it!
p.s:
iam going home for a few days.....By home i mean India and iam so happy! i wish all of you were coming too......especially hubs and aps and niru and of coz baacha log!.....but since iam not around for valentines let me say....I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!! and Happy valentines day! thanks for being in my life folks!

Nothing lasts forever.

2009-01-29T04:55:00.000-08:00

Tomorow is my last day to hit town , go out, meet up with friends for that matter do anything from 9 am to 7 pm.
Tess short for teresa my part-time helper......who started to help me out for a couple of hours everyday for the last few months and who by the way was supposed to start working this month for the entire day.......has thrown a spanner in the works literally.....she was to learn to help me with the kids as i was going to start my chef course this coming april......but alas it is not to be ...my dreams have been dashed to smithreens.....well i cant join for another year by then God know what other things will befall me i dont know!

Tess's hubby fell very sick and had to be hospitalised...the diagnoses is not yet out but,they suspect '' LUNG CANCER" how is a human supposed to be mad at anyone......tess and hubby planning to move back home ...so that her hubby can die peacefully in their home country "Philipines".

I understand her pain ...i feel the hopelessness, the fear at death's door, how will she face being strong alone......how does one deal with a loved one dying and suffering slowly.....how strong does she have to be???? how does one live knowing they have to deal with life after your so called jeevan sathi leaves before your life is far from done! horror.....she comes to work daily coz she needs the money......she's been here from the last 2 days and tomorow will be her last full day , at my place , she will come from time to time to clean my place till she leaves...but she seems to be a ghost.

iam so down for her but honestly as a human i suck for i cant seem to deal with the deathblow of having to wait another year...the disappoint has been too much to bear.......add to that the truth that i have to deal with two active boys with different needs, one has studies while the other has to be potty trained and deal with cleaning, moping, cooking and everything in between....i find myself depressed......after 9 years of staying at home with children under the age of 7 , in a foreign land without a break and family .......one wishes to weep!

my upstairs friend always begrudges me tess and secretly hates that i have help...why do people envy me......i deserved tess....but nothing this good could last i guess!

last friday when tess broke the news....i cried in the balcony ,i dressed hurriedly and left the house i didnt know what to do......for the first time in my life i went for a movie " The Reader" alone....after the movie i wandered aimlessly in the mall hoping that the clock would stop ticking .....but it didnt! i spent the rest of the time in my fave bookstore, i purchased the first book that looked beautiful imagine that ......me jaya naomi ...purchased a book without reading what it was about.....its called " Beautiful blue death" ironical eh!?
yesterday i pretended to be normal but what i did was stuff my face, oil my hair and every few mins checked my facebook or gmail accounts as if they would reveal a remedy for an ailing heart.
Today i couldnt bare wasting precious mins i dashed off and met dhanam akka ...who i was meeting literally after a year....came home cooked and then called hubby and dashed to the library for tess.... and now i face a single day of freedom and i dont know what to do with it.....lydia asked to come over maybe i will go or maybe i will go and catch "Doubt"........but what i would really like is to go to Vijayleela apartment and chill with my friend and listen to her family chatter over chai in their non-stop oriya .....a language which i know nothing of except the single word "Bappi"
but i know my TESS OF DEE\ APS did not believe me when i said if wishes where money i would be with her! i didnt even need her to share or talk ,even her silence would be welcome. i miss her, i miss the ole gauva tree where i grew up , i miss the stonewalled parapet where as a teenager i fought with ups and downs.....i wish deep would take off tomoro and make me feel ok.
Sadly my friend is right......life is not like fiction.....one cannot escape real life but fiction might help us forget it for a moment. I believe tomorow will be a better day ......but for today i will grieve my dreams and my disappointment.....for nothing lasts forever , not happiness nor sadness!

remembrance.

2009-01-27T21:24:00.000-08:00

This one i owe to you, appu. Dad and i are pretty close , i am sure if you ask my sis she will tell the same , in fact if you ask my bro i guess he would say the same too......thats coz my dad is that kinda dad....the best kind....iam not sure if he ever scored great points for being a good husband....but as a a dad ....he still is no 1 , according to me anyway.

My mom complains that when i was a couple of weeks ole .....he asked our driver to take pictures of him with the baby( me) and never woke up my mom.....i think she still holds it against him.....but me...iam secretly thrilled that he took time to bond with me...it was the start of a wonderful relationship......anyway i wanted to write down a particular incident which was brought back to memory by what my friend said about her dad.

This was days before i got married ......i was still doing my masters at that time and my head was full of term papers ....booklist to go thru and innumerable seminars to prepare for, and to top that i was having the heebiesjeebies at the prospect of my impending wedding......starting a new life ,in a new country plus juggling the last few months before i completed my masters....it was a harrowing time.....i even remember i actually went to uni oneday without having prepared my seminar and i went up to speak and started faltering.......I think my prof actually thought i had lost it......quel horror!

anyway.....a funny thing started to happen at night...at first i was very annoyed...but then i realised that this is what real love is all about......iam a light sleeper and after tossing and turning over a miillion things i would fall asleep only to find somebody moving in my room at night.....it was my mom trying to sleep on the floor near my bed.....she would keep me awake with her tossing and turning and sometimes after i yelled at her she would go back to her bedroom or to the sofa in the room next to mine.....this went on the whole month before i got married.......and then after all these nighttime shenanigans .....i wud see my dad staring at me in the early morning hours standing close to my bed.......this happened till the day i got married i always pretended to be fast asleep.....but i did enjoy my dad gazing at me like i was something so special ,that he couldnt bear to part with me!

well, when the time came for my vidaieeeeeeeee.....i cudnt see my mom or dad anywhere....they had quietly left without a word.....i remember crying and telling deep that they didnt even say good bye and they left me with a total stranger.....poor hubby i can only imagine being called a total stranger on the day he became my husband...neverthless i cried that nite n promptly fell asleep.....so much for romantic beginnings....anyway i called my mom and yelled at her in the morning she said she couldnt bear saying goodbye , so they decided to leave quietly. wonder how is feels when child who is part of you everyday , grows up and leaves......heartbreaking!

In the end we all know that we are loved and cherished coz of moments like these....we all encounter true love......whether in the form of a wave from a balcony or a silent visit in the night....love is all around.....miracles happen everday , some one them come in packages called parents.......thanks mom and dad! we love you too!

In love.

2009-01-15T22:31:00.000-08:00

This moment got registered in my mind perhaps 2 years ago......i've been meaning to write a short story about it ever since...but fiction and me dont go together, so i thought its time to write it down just as it is.....with no embellishments or frills...but just as it is , sharing my hearts deepest desire......

I dont remember where i was coming from but i definitely remember i was on the MRT( Singapore's equivalent to the newyork subway only that it is faster , cleaner, smarter and way cooler!) and i was doing what most of my friends call...staring at the general public....actually what i term as human watching something akin to birdwatching.....i love observing human behaviour and its honestly done without my knowledge.....

anyway i was indulging in my usual voyeurism into the human pschye when my eyes landed on an elderly couple.....they were sitting close to each other...not in the nasty way couples do nowadays...but in an oldfashion kinda way which is hard for me to describe....the man had his shirt tucked in and was neatly dressed and woman was dressed in a world war 2 kinda way. she had a shopping bag at her feet...just looking at them you wondered how old they were coz when you looked at them you felt such an old world feeling.....they were talking a bit loudly and i think they were discussing about their CPF (Central providend fund) which made me wonder how they managed their lives as they looked very old....anyway as life has a way of suprising you...they got off at Hougang station same as moi.....which for some strange reason i still remember. they slowly made their way out and then they got onto the escalator in front of me......

This is a moment i will never forget.....the woman looked a bit bewildered and scared to step on to the escalator and in true gentlemanly fashion the old man as if this was a dance they always performed gave her his arm which she held onto for dear life...the hubby a step on top supporting each other in their wobbly old age........just marvellous! it restored my faith in humanity, love, family, togetherness like never before and the thought that was floating on the top of my brain was.....awww this is how it should be when i grow old.....a life time spent together with grown children and perhaps even grandchildren....and it all boiled down to simply surviving going up the escalator and having this total dependence and understanding of each other.....it made me feel this is it...this is love....not vulgar and sordid love affairs which people mistake for love......but this was the genuine article no fancy dating , no latest hotpants or makeup on, iam sure when he met her he was no bigshot educated guy.....but i imagine he promised her nothing...but all through their life, the good and the bad..... facing life together.
call me a romantic , a sentimental fool....maybe all i saw was a figment of my imgaination.....but for some reason.....what i felt was the truth...their love was true and forged in real life .
well i've come to the end of sharing this moment which made a deep impact on me and i wish to God.....I will have what this elderly couple share someday.

Thought of the day!

2009-01-15T16:11:00.000-08:00

Yep its one of those things i always wanted to do be the sayer of sayings...here goes one " one has to pull their diehard positive spirit out of hibernation" aparna das.

well thats all for now......this kinda thing i call sayings from the common man.......have a positive day ahead.....ta da or is it ta ta.....anyway its one one them if you got the gist!
byeeeeeee
psssssst i promise this nonsensical phase will pass...iam just warming up for bigger and greater divine writing.....i promise this is leading upto something good ....be patient my good readers!

Diehard romantic!

2009-01-15T04:42:00.000-08:00

The last couple of days has seen me a desperate movie watcher........instead of recharging my already dead batteries with a well deserved and much needed nap.....when i find both the kids sleeping at the same time ....i cant resist doing something and since i cant getaway ....i watch movies.....yes my dahlins they are the mushiest and girliest ones evea...(thanks to my sister who is the owner of the said collection) ..... since she passed on a whole bunch of them......i've become the admirer of the corniest lines the sentimental fool in me secretly enjoys the teary bits.......

Well the side of me that is all artsy fartsy protests.....but to hell.....now and then i will indulge and you snooty art movie watchers may go and take a @$##.......whatever that is........

The movie "Australia" left me with the line" if love aint in your heart then you got nothing"....to Nothing hill's " there are people who do grow old together"......not to mention a hundred other such lines have left me craving for romance......hope to find some too.....not a bad wish eh! well heres to some romance dripping movie watching in the days to come! cheers

Steaming off!

2009-01-14T06:50:00.000-08:00

I know that i promised myself way before new years that i would do some quality writing .....but who was i kidding...the moment i start to think such lofty stuff....i get hit by a bad case of writers block.....
while iam travelling on the train or just washing the dishes my mind is assailed by a million ideas and even short stories ...but by the time i manage to get to my blog...inspiration runs dry and i find myself toooo tired or i've completely forgotten that wonderful thought......

so unlike many other optimistic people ....who get all gooey and mushy at new years...i 've decided to go the opposite way and do nothing great or make no big plans or resolutions and maybe...things will happen....so here's to reverse psychology......everyday from henceforth i commit myself to writing utter gibberish and perhaps posthumously i will be read as one of the greats and go down in the annals of history as a history maker( well i did warn you it would be utter nonsense)
so holding on to that thought....today i was very touched by something i saw on the telly.....a daugther who wonders if she actually belongs to her family as she finds no similarities asks her father.....why she is so different...she says " daddy i even drive fast unlike you...you never even touch the speed limit.....her dad replies and says who says i drive slow......i only drive slow coz you are in the car" for some reason i was touched!!! must be that father dotter thingy that gets me each time! well on that totally unrelated note ....i bid you adieu and say see ya tomorrow.
psssst ....hopefully some sleep will clear my head.......nite nite!

Sorry for the absence!

2008-12-03T15:44:00.000-08:00

Readers (if any of you left) since the last few months have seen zit no of writeups...i sincerely apologise n ask that you guys be patient till the New year is ushered in.
firstly too many things on my plate at the moment....the the creative juices have been left stewing far too long!
The home we bought this year has been going thru renovation and i cant explain the happiness and frustration that one goes thru while taking up such projects.......not to mention the tiredness and add two kids to the mix only makes one wonder why we do what we do!!!!

Josh is joining primary school and i feel kinda on edge with worry as to how he will cope! so the New year has its share of big bumps ahead.....need to gear for independence day as the first half of the year will see me gone ....albeit late into the bad bad world.(as most of you know iam off to start my course this coming year)

We are leaving for our holiday to India for my broinlaws wedding and christmas.....loads of packing to do...so folks while i clear all the cobwebs on my brain...pleez be patient i will be joining blogging seriously soonish! in the meanwhile Happy holidays folks and have a wonderful year-end!
see ya soon!
all my love,
The mockingbird.

Tuesday's with aunty rachael.

2008-09-29T03:18:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is tuesday and i feel a bit sad...coz for the past 2 months it had become a regular feature for me to end up at lydia's for a tete- a - tete with her mom and us two girls yabbering over tea time and holding fort on any given topic, till either the baby needed attention or it was time for me to get going as the kids were waiting back home.

As the general rule goes , i pretty much get on with most of my friends parents...but with lydia's mom....it was different...she was so on and engaged with life , and though she is very much the epitome of a typical well rounded mom figure...she also is a very sweet and intelligent person, she shared a world view which was very current and she spoke so wonderfully and passionately about any of the issues we discussed ...that i wished for a second why cant ...more indian mothers be like her.......we even managed to share a couple of jokes, i dare say i never thought ,could be shared with a person of her generation( really my views on mothers here is limited to indian moms my non-indian blog readers)

It was so relaxing and fun and i really let my hair down.......they were days when i couldnt make it on tuesdays and promptly lydia would call saying mom is asking you to come tomorrow...the phone would be passed to aunty and we would yabber away...really i never thought anybody could talk so much more than me.

The most important feature was the food that accompanied the chatter and long emotional debates with me taking turns siding either mother or daughter.......i would take along dessert or some snack and ....sometimes it was literally dinner and a show........

Totally loved every minute......i got aunty a gift before she left for india as her time was up in Singapore...(she had come over for lydia's confinement) . she loved the gift and tears welledup in her eyes...its rare to see genuine emotion in a day and age, which abhors sentiment.
before i left she hugged me a really hug believe me and kissed me on both my cheeks...(no arty airy fairy french air kiss) and i felt real affection from her side....for a person who lives far from home and family...i think she really affected me with a fuzzy and wonderful feeling.

Aunty i will miss you something bad......i will really come down to your place in the near future....lydia and i have decided that we will pack our bags and drag the kids for a wonderful holiday in India.....the kids are not gonna stop us from having some wholesome fun and pleez ...if mother and daughter felt no generational or silly stuff like i love my kid but i cant stand to be with them...i think we need to rethink our view.....kids below 5 can be very exhausting....but i think we must start to like being with them.....and when the bond remains ...some smashingly good times can be had in the future.

here's to some good times and aunty rachael!
cheers.

Taxi driver ,me and some odd ends!

2008-09-19T03:47:00.000-07:00

The urge to blog is back with a bang, guess its something to do with me finally emerging from the fog after a longtime.
The month of sept started off ok......but then i was being bombarded with loads of bad news , and as usually owing to my fragile state of mind, i had not been able to stomach the stuff.

But breakthroughs happen and i have started to live all over again. the dark cloud of depression and negativity which surrounded me has finally lifted.

I am still a little over sensitive and things easily affect me......but iam only getting stronger everyday! yay!
i owe my recovery to a lot of factors and people..... books, movies,excercise, counselling....but major thanks goes to God( He didnt letup or give up on me) Ash, Pat, Lydia and her mom( without their knowledge) Tara and Hiliyah. i am totally indebted to you folks.

Now for lesser morbid things......heres my incident with the taxi driver......late one evening i was returning home from lydia's place , i was running late and i flagged down a taxi.....to my luck this taxi driver happened to be one of those chatty fellas , we singaporeans are well acquainted with the breed!!!!!
here goes the conversation......
taxi driver: " YOU TEACHER RIGHT"???
me: mmmmm......
taxi driver: " I GUESSED RIGHT DIDNT I"?????
me : mmmm......yeah . you are right iam a teacher you guessed right!

Well people you are right in being shocked ......i dont know what came over me i never lie....well not never but generally i dont if you get the drift.....so here iam blatantly lying....i guess his enthusiam was catching and i didnt want to disillusion him on his powers of deduction.......and i guess heart of hearts i knew well people always say i look like a teacher and that i should not waste my education but teach somewhere.......honestly i would hate to teach ...i dont want to teach.....but i've done my share of teaching.....sunday school..so i guess whatever the reasons......i agreed that i was a teacher and asked him how he had guessed...he said....i looked like a teacher....and that he picked me up in the vicinity of a school.....so he put two and two together......well what can i say it rankled a bit...i hate the idea of me looking like a teacher...do i????? this blog is open to readers to comment freely and tell it too me!!!! i mean teachers always look like they have a stick up their wazooo if i may say so without offending anybody.....( sorry mom and mominlaw...both are teachers by the way) and they also seem very dogmatic and preachy and have very decided opinions on almost all matters......pleez people this is a cry for help....put me out of my misery and tell me that the blasted taxi driver was wrong!!!!

Other newsy stuff , i have been reading a lot of Mary westmacott...the pen name of Agatha christie...while she wrote love stories with a twist instead of her usual dectective novels.... so fellow readers try the books darn good i must say!!!!!
Also been catching up on loads of good movies......people call me for the names too tiring to tell you.....also been improving my bowling skills and spending more time with hubby after eons....loving every bit!
Today went out with kellin and did total girly stuff...never thought it was possible to have fun like that after a longtime.........next friday will be doing it all over again.......looking forward to the yummy " dim sum "(chinese high tea) yay yay yay!
thats all for now
signing off
a bit loopy me!

Never give up!

2008-09-03T18:52:00.000-07:00

Iam not an airhead who is trying to talk out of turn, nor am i try to preach to anyone......iam not trying to moralise nor ami trying to sound righteous .....

iam just a person who understands pain and has lost 3 people i know who have given up and not fought with the dark inside of them.
As a person for who the pain of loss is still real i speak from the heart when i say.....folks we all have dark moments....they are times when we are walking that thin line between sanity and insanity. periods of times when the valley of the shadow of death and negativity loom large, when the future has no promise.

People please never for a moment think you are alone.....you dont know how precious you are to many of the people around you. never forget you are unique and many of us cant imagine life without you. If you are hurting too much , seek help, support and friends. Even family!

People, please start being there for your loved ones...make time in a world where 24 hrs is not enough anymore... and work has taken priority over people. Read the signs and when people seek too much time by themselves or want to be left alone...dont believe them...coz sometimes you cant make it on your own. Dont go to far into the dark..that you cant find your way out!

Fight it folks .....Goddamn it fight it! Too long you wallow in the negative you feed the beast.....i urge all my friends......Never give up!
Even when its seems people dont care and you wont be missed...you will be believe me.
Remember when you punish others by hurting yourself the person you hurt the most is yourself and people around. I believe , we live in a world where selfishness....me, myself only matter. please disabuse yourself of this attitude......give and live for others ....soon you all will be happy.

I know right now iam very angry and hurting coz of what has been happening .....Santosh, pritish and now Z ....... i cannot believe that you felt life is so cheap! that your lives were solely yours....No! humanity is tied with other people.....

I dont know about others and if you know i really mean it! But pleez iam there for you my friends and family......remember i am always there....call me, mail me and sms me.
YOU ARE WORTH IT! learn to recieve help!

Z, S,P we miss you sorely. wish you guys hadnt done it! for the rest.....

NEVER GIVE UP! FIGHT ON!

Ordinary Days!

2008-08-20T18:05:00.000-07:00

Honestly, nothing much to write coz life at the moment has made a major stop on platform boredom!
Yes apart from the lovely holiday at Mayangsari,which all about lasted two days and faded as soon as it could.....no news worthy stuff has been happening....josh and joey continue to keep me busy.....and then there is a lot of news happening to others.....Aps is moving to aussieland! Niru seems busy with work,school and million admirers(sigh)
Lydia and her mum have been constantly looking up to me for newborn baby advice which i was happy to give, but now i feel how come advice from me...am i that old??????
One more good news was all of us got back in touch with Theithei after nearly 8 long years! and to boot she has got even saintlier...funny even vaskar was talking the christian lingo...that was funny.
Ash and sudha's bickering gave me much comic relief.....miss those carefree days especially year 97......pre-deepraj days.
Well about hubby dear......i have given up on him officially...seems to be going thru something ....he thinks iam going thru something which is not wrong in itself...mainly his going thru something effecting me...vivcious circle man!
Josh is a dahlin...he kissed me and hugged me yesterday...what a loving kiddo! he knew mom needed some love. joash on the other hand is a total brat with twinkling mischevious eyes.. and very very naughty, between tearing books and banging and throwing things around.....he still manages to get away with it all!
Well it is early morning in singapore and beginning to pour...gotta make a move and settle the chores and brats for the day......so long folks till we meet again!

New arrival!

2008-08-05T23:06:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a very very special day in my life coz...my best friend lydia gave birth to a healthy baby boy...who is my son's namesake joshua!
my joy knew no bounds coz,lil joshua is a miracle baby, after 7 years of despairing if they would ever have a child GOD blessed them with this baby.
And coz many of her family members and friends have been praying for her all these years, especially me....i had made a special prayer for her the whole of last year....so God does answer prayers......
In the past year my relationship with God had taken a negative nosedive .....but in little ways He lets me know that He is just around the corner, well God i will give you this one! Thanks for lil josh and thanks for hearing my prayers and a million others.
Congrats lydia and prince....i see your joy is complete.....joshua is a little heartbreaker!
Totally smashing!!!!!!!

monday blues!( no more)

2008-07-21T01:14:00.000-07:00

Today i got up early the first feeling that struck me,ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, was

its a monday the whole week is starting all over again, which by the way is not my usual attitude , generally iam like wowieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee its monday coz after the long weekend, hubby is off to work and josh will be gone.....its my time to set the house to rights, clean up and unwind in a way only a homemaker can understand.

Anyway, the reason for my blues was coz i had to actually dash off to the gym early on monday morning, rushing with the morning crowds as they tried to get to work!

horrid horrid, you start to realise that your body is going in for a whole lota pain after the weekend break and weekend meals!!!!

But all that changed, coz as my body was slowly coming outa shock, it also came to in a marvellous way...perched on the dreaded cardio machine i caught a glimpse of JAMES MCAVOY on mtv doing an interview.................i died and went to heaven in a second... and all i could hear apart from my pounding heart ( also due to the on going cardio!)was Bryan adam's" love is all dat i need..here in your arms ......we're in heaven".

After which no amount of torture from my P.T could spoil my mind!

Thanks james you made my dayyyyyyyyyy! mondays rock!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE DARK KNIGHT!

2008-07-17T19:11:00.000-07:00

I just loved the movie!

That about sumsup how i feel about the movie! growing up i read my share of comic books and i loooooooved each of the masked and weirdly dressed superheroes!

But the recent series of the Batman movies....starting with "batman begins" and now the "dark knight" have taken the comic genre from the usual blockbustery fare to new heights, by deconstructing the hero and the villians usual clear lines of right and wrong, and adding the human angst they feel and taking a new look of defining the ramifications of being human and its complexities.

Loved the pschyological angle of the movie.. dark as it was plus some really superb acting being displayed, pushed it up a notch in my books!
The late Heath ledger deserves the oscar for his totally convincing role as the joker, his acting chops get total kudos from moi...as he scared the pants of me!
Oldman, Bale, Ackhart and Morgan freeman totally did their part....some good acting was had!

Agreed the movie is a tad longish...but amazing stuff ! but this movie is definitely not for those who are looking for the usual comic fare!

so serious movie watchers! check out the movie! its a MUST- SEE!

BLUSH!

2008-07-11T21:04:00.000-07:00

Recently a rare event happened, that too right in the middle of a shopping mall.
Iam totally thrilled over the incident insignificant as it was. last weekend saw us at the Tanglin mall.....while strolling around with the family, window shopping...suddenly a stranger albeit a handsome angmo(caucasian) and me locked eyes for a split second and he politely flashed a gorgeous smile at me and of course i smiled back.....an ordinary everyday happening but immediately i found myself believe it or not "BLUSHING"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But honestly i loved the feeling......i never thought after all these years i was capable or even remembered to blush...i had all but forgotten the feeling....when was the last time i had blushed????? i think it was when i was newly married and some ole aunt said something embrassing but really it was nice to feel young and silly.

I think at heart the girl in me still loves the romance not the cheesy ,corny stuff but the sweet nothings that still makes my heart go pitter patter.

Another news worthy tidbit (only according to me anyway)is that iam kinda having a crush on somebody...yes people a full blown crush....his name is " james mcavoy" i've been watching all his movies lately and his latest role in the movie 'penelope' had me in swoons....i guess it sounds very corny and all.but despite his crooked teeth and boyish appearance ,something about the way his blues eyes had me all gooey inside!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so here iam enjoying all these forgotten feelings!
great feeling alive!

Conversation has run dry!

2008-07-08T22:23:00.000-07:00

Wonder if only i am the only woman who hates to talk about family and hubby.....but do it anyway simply coz of the lack of any better conversational matter......or there are graver issues like she talks only about her family coz thats what life for her is all about!!!!! ( am i boring????)

Just got off the phone with a close friend and believe me we yapped about nothing else but kids and hubby and shit happening.........so i have taken a pledge to becoming conversationally more interesting by reading more, meeting people who do not have kids ,hubbies or pets. going to parks and participating in bird watching( how do they do it i feel nothing for birds!! but there must be something to it) or become a fashionista (do i hear guffaws) go for book and poetry readings ( pleez point me in the right direction as i have no clue as where this stuff takes place) travel and meet and dine with people whose fave time pass is to discuss fine wine and cheese( i hear great discussions happen around goat and blue cheese) .

I know there is a glitch to this program of mine......where does one find these creatures ???? i do not move in those circles!!!!! but honestly speaking the more they talk about the cheese or global warming or the state of current politics i start to feel the need to throw on a pair of P.J's and sneak a hug from any member of my family.......

I think iam a goner they is no cure to my " family addiction" .....dear reader whoever you are take pity on me and next time you talk to me pleez start an interesting conversation coz iam really starved for a decent one barring which be prepared to hear all about the baby's latest antics and my grouching about everything in general......so long!!!!!!!!!!! waiting for my ear to get chewed off!by some great conversations!!!!!!!

California and dreams!

2008-07-07T08:50:00.000-07:00

Flashback to the year 2001.....still madly trying to finish all papers and seminars for the final fews months before i finished my masters and embarked on a new life as a married woman....i had got married in feb and i completed my masters forever in may!

My experience as a married woman comprised of the wedding itself and a short 3 day honeymoon and by the end of the week hubby was back in singapore and i was back at my moms slogging my ass off trying to catch up with the backlog of reading , term papers ,seminars and the damn exams themselves. my state of my mind as you may guess was in the shit house....between the need to get as far away from any sort of studies and the fear of making it as a wife on my own...leaving my parents !!!!!! it was a trying time ( how i laugh to think i thought that was life!!! reality is something of a shock!)

Anyway, apart from the apprehension of the future ,i was giddyly anticipating my new life ,as we would be moving to california soon after i re-joined my hubby.....these were my plans " to join a university and specialise in poetry" " to learn to swim" , " learn the piano", " to run" , " to seriously take up photography" ," to learn pottery" and finally "grand plans of decorating my home".

Instead joshua happened, got preggie within a month of coming to singapore.......was put on bed-rest, the world economy took a nasty turn and plunged into a recession and then the world tasted its first brush with terrorism when the twin towers were hit!!!! the rest is history....we never left singapore ,which has become my second home and i became a mom...all my plans and dreams were left on the shelf...as i learned to cope with a baby on my own in a country far from home! those were some tough days.....but new dreams were spun and truly i loved every minute of this new role that adopted me! josh became my dream.........life went on some sweet and some bitter times were had...but life went on.

Now i am a mom of two and i really enjoyed and at times hated my life......but some new and exciting times are around the bend this coming year...i am shedding my old skin and embarking on a journey thats only about" me"...family remains a strong factor but finally some "ME" time has finally come......come 2009 feb exactly 8 years later i will be going back to school albeit to follow a new dream....but totally geared up! will not jinx the whole thing by telling you fellas the details but keeping my fingers crossed!

Here' s to me......a brave and brand new world awaits me!!!!! yipeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is grass really greener?

2008-06-06T03:48:00.000-07:00

My sister, recently landed in melbourne......she wanted to pursue further interests of a lofty kind.

So there she is ,doing what she wants and part of me envy's her (grass always greener on the other side syndrome)
nins my sis...is only two years younger but her world and mine are literally apart.......she is single and still able to discover other " avenues"....on the other hand iam married like donkey years ago(to kinda childhood sweetheart..what a cliche) with two kids and feeling pretty much a dead dog approaching middle age ( maybe not....just sounded more dramatic)

But people you get the picture......so as i drain the bitter cup of reality ( really too melodrama) mademoiselle is off doing her thing...very very interesting things.....like oogling blue eyed ang- mos (singaporean for white guys) freezing to death coz she is a student and has to eat canned food and has silly harmless chaps infatuated with her.......she is nearing her last dollar and looking for a job.....not to mention all the funny stories that seem to be happening to her...shady landlords,weird roomies and exciting episodes.

so now all i need to do is , somehow get rid of hubs ,the kids and tons of weight acquired in the process of producing them......become total hot chick, buy a ticket to downunder and have meself a good time...i am sure its possible ,coz "where there is a will, there is a way"......no probs have loads of that (will power of coz) now next gotta loot a bank and so on so forth.......wow look i got an entire outline for a movie script or a bestseller!!! ha ha ha...really imagination can do things for you that reality cannot.......so nins you carry on and continue to share your adventures ,while rightly i will get back to getting dinner ready for the kiddos. (canned food???? not really!!!)

A month of happenings!

2008-05-19T17:39:00.000-07:00

The month of May has a special place in my heart, for one the name is very pretty, then there is the whole association with summer and childhood memories of holidays and just happy happy days.
But the significant event of May is my birthday(19th)...and now my second son joash also managed to squeeze his birth on the last day of the month(31st).
Well coming back to things at hand....this May has been a wonderful time....after a year long bout with depression....i am beginning to come out stronger and better.....i wouldnt go so far as saying i have totally cleared my head or that i have arrived coz that would be a lie.....but i definitely have begun to make sense, deal with my emotions and figure what is important and what is not.....
Last week i managed to get away... and go home for a bit....managed to finally find my bearings and managed to even meet my best friend in the whole wide world....i know the term is so corny"best friend" but they dont seem to have a word that suits my mad relationship with said person....(girl seeing you was like coming home, thank you sooo much!)

Yesterday was really the most memorable b'day i have had in a very very longtime......generally b'day is dinner or lunch and sometimes even a movie.......what happened yesterday was no different but for some minor changes.....but i loved it especially the "BOWLING" which i have never attempted before...great fun! and even greater fun for the people who play against me coz by constantly letting them win i ensured their happiness ha ha!

Overall, i think i felt special after a very very longtime and i guess a really good birthday is not the events that are planned.....but the sincerity and the feeling of saying ....hey you made into this world and its a special day ..."you are special".
Mission accomplished.......still feeling all warm and fuzzy! thanks to all, especially hubby!
IT WAS A BALL!

For aps!

2008-05-08T17:05:00.000-07:00

Babe the mind is whizzing with ideas but still not translating into words............wonder when this block is gonna unblock!
I loved something about the last writeup on your blog................it was the love of books, the excitement , the passion and the desire for all to read and feel all those wonderful emotions that words evoke..............
I could never explain what i want to say but i am sure you get the picture.
may our love affair with books neverend! thanks for being my soulmate when it comes to books!
love always
the pleasant one.

Writer's block!

2008-04-27T17:24:00.000-07:00

Dear readers ,
pleez dont quit reading my blog .......i totally understand that from the past couple of months the stuff has really got shitty and sub-standard stuff has been spewing onto the blog...but i beg patience while this ...so called writers block stuff passes.

iam going away for a bit! will be back with a bang...dont give up on this blog!

thanks and much love.
The pleasant one.

Things that goes bump in the heart!

2008-04-25T19:54:00.000-07:00

I have reached a stage in my life when nothing right seems to happen ......i think it has something to do with growing up and realising that life is not as simple...that people are complicated.....that 2+2 is not equal to 4 atleast not in real life!

I know that the people who really read this blog understand that from the past year i have been going thru a tough time.....first the pregnancy and taking care of a baby without family and help and then the depression of it all.

The first half of the year went by in denial,survival mode and a bit of iam above all this crap sorta thing.......but of late i think i have started to unravel bit by bit.....sometimes i think iam at the edge of something horrible and all i have to do is to let go and i will plunge into some kinda a blackhole of no return.

But things are not that bad at times......josh and joash keep me grounded...and though i lose it from time to time....its the kids who ground me,who put a smile on my face, who tell me that you can fall and cry about your boo boo's but then with a little distraction and love the tears that havent even dried on the face are replaced by a big grin....i must follow their lead...they are full of life and joy and a different sorta reckless love for life.

I have three people to thank who are helping me thru this shit! and believe me i feel much support and encouragement. i think i am gonna pull thru in the end. i tried to do this alone..but i neednt do it alone....coz i realised like the U2 song says"sometimes you cant make it on your own".
Guys you are the best.....my friends , too whom i am eternally grateful....love you guys forever.
thanks . Aps , Niru and Ash! with your help i feel iam recovering ....cant wait to meet all of you again.

Here's a toast to you guys and also to my boys...cheers!

Boredom.

2008-04-10T02:09:00.001-07:00

Every summer as far as i know brings with it, summer showers,the fragrance of wet mud, mangoes and an intense longing to be young .....and when i mean young i am talking about.....chadi may khelna (playing in your knickers- kiddos basically).

Remember those days when final exams are over and there is a great buzz of excitment going around in your head and all around you.
kids basically losing it and playing till you drop......mothers shouting at you to get outta the sun and have an afternoon nap and all you can think is when is evening coming when can i stop pretending to be asleep.

Growing up we had all these power cuts but it never made us grumble on the contrary it filled us with joy...coz it meant more playing while adults sat on their verandas slapping away at the mosquitoes.while we bugged each other.

nowadays summer only means inane stuff like "its damn hot" ," i have a splitting headache ", " man the heat is killing", "gosh my skin is so tanned". and more than anything its really BORING , the heat kinda bores you to death...... i remember even as a kid being bored by the end of summer but it was a romantic boredom full of possibilties...afterall school was re-opening and all those lovely new books with stickers................summer is here...and iam bored. at this point of my life it just means there is no end to it! only the begining of another kinda boredom, really why would anyone write this kinda rubbish....man i must be really bored!

Favourite things about you!

2008-04-03T05:17:00.000-07:00

Dahlin appu these are things that remind me of you. here goes the list.

1. chinese take out.
2. bee gees.
3. cotton clothes.
4. moisturiser.
5. books.
6. dream intrepretation.
7.political science.
8.women's writing.
9.saint francis.
10.tvs scooty.
11.boyfriends.
12.heartache.
13.summer boredom.
14.travel\travelogues.
15.ghosts.
16.cameras
17.lobo.
18.baby when u're gone.

19.do you believe in life after love.
20.calvin n hobbes.
21.tess n innocent milkmaids.
22.indian authors
23.gazals.
24.bullies.
25.advertising.
26.standing up.
27.standing tall.
28.convictions
29.all things new.
30.above all love.
baby hope this a puts a smile on your face.
love always.

New arrivals!

2008-03-24T03:31:00.000-07:00

Congratulations are in order to two of my friends.
Jeanne gave birth on wednesday.....congratulations dahlin.....God has been good! Declan yeo looks perfect.....and iam more than sure Caitlyn is more than happy on officially becoming a big sis.
I know for a fact that life will never be the same .........and through the sleepless and anxious nights......you will realise that your heart has more room for the love a child creates. so enjoy your bundle of joy.....he's a miracle...so when you are having bad days remember its worth it.

Emma congrats girl on giving birth to your baby boy. iam so happy for you. hope you and princeton have a great time bringing up our little friend. cant wait to see you and the baby tomorrow.

Happy for you all. i love babies.....cant wait to get to know you little fellas......moms iam there for you.........iam on speed dial day and night...... love always.

Maddness mistaken for sanity.

2008-03-17T04:30:00.000-07:00

My hubby is living under the misconception that iam one of those sane people and whenever things go out of hand ......he still thinks he's dealing with a sane person who has lost it .

Poor chap ......how does one disabuse one of their misconceptions............the reason i married him was coz i needed some stability.( coz if i know of one totally sane person, he is the chap for you)

I even suspect worse...... i think he doesnt know ,the extent of the said MAD condition ,i know this for certain coz he asked me to learn to control my emotions...or why not pop a pill...........what he doesnt realise is......that if it was only a matter of control.....the world would be filled with sane people and "MADNESS " would be a disease which has been wiped off the face of the earth.

As if!!!!

If only!!!!

Whatever the reasons it tickles me pink to think , somebody thinks of me as sane............
Ain't hubby a barrel of laughs??????

P.s : iam not a total mad person.......most of the time i think iam pretty sane......just have my episodes you know.......if hubby you ever read this pleez understand i was having one of my mad episodes while writing this, refrain from taking it personally.(that's a relief)

The examined life.

2008-03-16T22:00:00.000-07:00

Recently i found out something really interesting about myself. i thought i did not come under the jealous type.....iam still convinced when compared to others, my levels of jealousy are still under the sub-human level ( who am i kidding even iam not convinced ha ha ironical eh!)

Anyway, recently when my part-time maid took the kids off my hands and took them out so i could catch up on some work. she commented that" people kept looking at her....she was sure they thought joash was such a handsome baby....i think they wondered if it was my baby"
Jealousy raised its ugly head...first of all my maid is a filipino.....so no earthly resemblence....but iam guessing you all know by now how jealous i was feeling.(hubby as usual thought i was overeacting)

Today ,one of my university classmate sent me pics of himself(some beautiful shots i admit) taken in England................damn him! coz i felt totally and uncontrollablly J . couple of years ago when hubs went to England ,i refused to see the 300 -400 pics he took there. ....i told him to his face that i was J ..........a little background would help people understand why England is a sore topic for me.....you see i was born there and lived part of my childhood there......i feel i have some kinda a copyrights to the place.......also coz i long to go back but havent still got the chance.

Well, somebody famous said " the unexamined life is not worth living" i have examined mine and it totally disgusts me...iam all for the guy who said " ignorance is bliss".

The waiting!

2008-03-13T04:31:00.000-07:00

Its been maddening and a totally shitty time for me. My beloved sis was to arrive here on the 5th of march in time for Joshua's 6th b'day.....but no such luck ...the visa did not arrive and till now its gone missing ..............

I HAVE BUGGED NIRU.....endlessly every morning since the 5th wondering if she is coming..............but alas the wait is on.

Ever stretched a rubberband?.......well thats how far my nerves are stretched....can imagine the condition of said nerves on the other side.

All this waiting has turned me into a frustrated and slightly insane or is it inane person.......iam the mother of two kids....but time has proven that any day i can challenge my boys in the art of tantrum throwing.

I literally cried in the car when i heard she was yet again to postpone her trip.....and you can bet your money i was crying merely coz i was not getting my way.( how mature)

I even performed a bit of feet stomping and to the delight and glee of my son,he has totally taken to following mom's footsteps.

anyway when i get like this my sis and me have a term for this kinda behaviour.....we called it " the evil entered me" day......like some poltergist or something.

well as i continue to wait, i hope i dont show the worse of me yet coz believe me i have 3 pairs of eyes watching me.....my sons to enact similar behaviour and in the case of hubby,he can use this as ammunition in our next fight..................so pleez whoever the visa guy is spare me the agony and be a good chap and send it in.

In response.

2008-02-27T00:52:00.000-08:00

In this age of enlightenment and reason....i still find that many similar questions keep repeating overtime.
Look at it anyway men and women are different in everyway....phyiscally and in mental make-up. today many of the things women couldnt do they can do now(thanks to technology and education) , but somethings cant change and we must understand this fundamental difference.
Many of my working women friends find themselves torn between their role at home and work.....and some of the single women have other issues,and what of the stay at home mom.
What i think is people should embrace the differences between man and women and work together, understanding and filling in for each other when one of them is lacking.

Women can give birth....man cannot......women are nurturers in general..they have a dual role....and one must appreciate it and be supportive when it comes to maternal leave ,sick leave etc etc coz arent they bringing up the next generation......yes perhaps they have more on their plate than the average man...so can we see it as something unique and special and that support of the female species is a must!(and viceversa)

Women on the other hand must realise that man is a different creature.despite attempts by feminists saying that we can do without men.....iam sorry to say its not true.....we need them as much as they need us this is the law of nature. why fight this difference why not embrace it instead.

As long as the human race exsists their will be stereotyping and racial and sexual differences......prejudices that we continue to fight against......and one day (really hoping) might change......first its the mindset and the attitude that need changing .....as somebody i know recently said men are from mars and women are from venus.......dont forget we belong together to planet earth.

FYI

2008-02-18T16:41:00.000-08:00

Life is strange.

Watched the movie Juno....i cant wait to buy the movie when it comes out...i think nobody should miss it......its way cuter than cute and deep as hell....super acting hope the movie wins every oscar under the sun ....even the music scores are grrrrrrrreat!

Kids are totally back to normal.Thank God! joash is now not only crawling but walking around in a walker and his favourite haunts are the shoes stand , the bread which is kinda easily reached , the blue and white table cloth and all time fave is the chart of a skeleton in the study.
josh is kinda grown up wish he hadnt but atlaest he can take care of himself.

I believe GOD is real....proof well coz of many things that are happening, uncanny but cant explain.

Finally after months of struggling to read(unheard of) i devoured "Half of a yellow sun" by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. yipppee i am back.

Nirupa is coming to Singapore for josh's b'day and to meet chomp chomp aka joash ,totally excited.

Hubby said will take me out sans kids for our 7 wedding anniversary which is coming up this week.....lets see how it goes........7 years and two kids am i old???

well thats it .too many things to write detailed posts....so everything in a nutshell.

HOMESICK

2008-02-12T21:24:00.001-08:00

Nowadays i find myself longing for home.when i say home, i dont mean my parents back in India ,what i really mean is my longing for India.
There are days that i wish i could go home.simply close my eyes and find myself reading a book lying on my bed and from time to time gaze out of the window at the piece of sky and sunlight shimmering thru the trees.

I wish i could glance across the room to where my sis would be lounging with her book and bug her with odd questions.

I wish i could hop on my bike and drive all the way to my friends place to chat and eat lots of rubbish.

I long to go shopping for cotton fabrics in rich reds and blues and bury my face in the cloth which smells of all things wonderful

I long for people who are laughing and talking without restraint.............i miss my chickencorn soup in winter,chicken 65, halim during Ramzan, tajmahal's masala dosa....i am dying to have Egg puff,bundi chat....

I miss those roads i drove on.....i miss my beloved Hyderabad..everytime i go back i feel lost, i cant remember seeing this much traffic....all these new malls ....all these IT hubs....its like i've become an orphan or while i was gone somebody cast a spell and this city is not mine anymore.

Ithink that the city is different coz all the people i know are gone......appu is in Bangalore,sharan in florida,namu in nagpur, niru is going away too i dont know if that is why i feel like an orphan so bereft.

i wish to go Home , i want the mayhem , i want the noise, i want the people............ i think iam really homesick. really homesick.

Valentine's day

2008-02-03T19:23:00.000-08:00

I am one of those people who believe in romance, flowers and the works. Especially when i was young i would dream of this guy who would sweep me off my feet.....who could play the guitar and serenade me with beautiful songs......that i would inspire great love letters, poetry and the kind of rubbish that only school girls can think up.
When i really started dating i thought going on a drive ,going for a movie or hanging out was the thing to do.
since i met my hubby some 11 odd years ago .....we've had many kinds of valentines,intially we really did the sweet yet silly things.....i remember one year i was totally and utterly broke and couldnt afford to buy a present for my dahlin ,i racked my brains and then i came upon the solution, everyday i got busfare to go to and fro to college ,so i stopped taking the express bus which cost more and started taking the ordinary very crowded and unpredictable bus....and while returning home i would walk half the distance and then take the bus ,like this i chalked up enough money , i remember to buy a bottle of cheap body spray and a valentine card not to mention the long love letter...so carefully worded with intense words of love. despite being so silly and foolish.....that innocence and love doesnt ring true anymore...coz over the years not only has valentine's day become very commercial..... and we simply can afford to go out for a dinner for two with wine and candle light ,but it means nothing coz its not suprising at all, its so unromantic and predictable ...the element of suprise is totally lost.either you cant take leave from work or you get the same gift which you pick out yourself or have hinted at to hubby or boyfriend. Or come feb start mentioning "v days "arrival or not mention it hoping 'HE ' will intiate and arrange the whole thing, alas those days are gone.
This year since i turned 30... i decided the next ten years are precious , i want to do all the things i want to do and one of the things is to get the romance going again coz seriously if you are married and know the person as long as i have ,it does get into a rut.
This valentines day iam looking forward to a fresh perspective on love....in fact iam not waiting for v day at all................today is a good day to start the ball rolling.
So to all out there ,whose love life is languishing due to work,familiarity,kids, sheer lack of anybody, take time off to start living, get out of the rut and start loving yourself first and stop being so hard on yourself........................get footloose and let your hair down.
I think its high time................dont wait for the somebody to light the fire , you be the one !
So there it is......have a good one. Happy valentines everybody.

News snippets from planet moi!

2008-02-01T00:22:00.000-08:00

Folks its been a long long time since i last said hello! but january had turned into some sorta nightmarish period in my life.......heres news of a mixed sort some good and some bad.

1. NEW YEAR started on a wrong foot very very sick continued for two weeks
2. DEEP went to usa leaving ME to manage the home front alone.
3. GUESTS from india .....truthfully not bad experience at all.
4. LOST hearing in both ears....had traumatic experience at the ENT specialist( since then have regained hearing in one ear... horrible !)
5.PART-TIME MAID falls sick, had to write off any forth coming help!
6.KIDS have been falling constantly sick! as of today both are down with viral fever and baby has tested me to the limit today.
7."ANTONEMENT" movie the only highlight of january ......its amazing and a MUST WATCH.....i hope it wins the oscar for best picture.

8.LYDIA is expecting her miracle baby after a long wait of 7 years.....praying hard all remains well.
9.HAIR CUT...chopped off hair in frustration......totally regret it now!
10.NIRUPA is the only person whose chats have helped tremendously.....i will miss you when you start doing your course.
11.OLD FRIENDS.. have surfaced from the past , nice to hear from them.
12. lastly kids dont beat up your mom when you grow up coz she was not perfect....believe me you were not perfect kids .......and dont forget i love you.

thats it i guess for now!
yours truly
blah blah blah
drama queen.

Dream vacation

2008-01-06T00:31:00.000-08:00

Friends,countrymen ,readers and fellow bloggers, my sincere apologies for not writing sooner.

Been very very sick ,but have resolved to write despite my hacking cough.

Its been a wonderful holiday,i've waited 10 long years to see NEW ZEALAND finally i see it. on the 22nd of december the whole family i.e hubby ,josh ,joash baby and moi boarded the flight to CHRISTCHURCH the southislands....................we were very excited not to mention the baby's first plane travel,10 hours later we reached the land of GOD. hubby picked up the hired family car and off we went to see the whole of south islands .

day 1: drove to OXFORD a quaint little village ,where we stayed on this beautiful farmstead called "CHIRBURY MANOR" the room was like a mini apartment and the view maddeningly breathetaking .......our hosts were very wonderful....josh instantly warmed up to sophia the pet deer and had a ball feeding her. will post a series of photos for those who are interested.

day2: drove to KAIKOURA a wonderful coastal village\town for WHALE WATCHING yes my dears i saw no less than 3 whales, a school of dolphins, hundreds of sealions and a gazillion fish the most amazing blue ocean...............all from a helicopter....words fail to describe how i felt.

day3: after saying goodbye to OXFORD where we stayed after driving back from kaikoura we started the long drive to DUNEDIN , a city of universities and all things ENGLISH it was like stepping into oxford and cambridge...............sorry to mention that while you drive, its not a waste of time its all part of the magic as you drive thru amazing farmland passing mountains , lakes , snow peaked valleys and each drive to each town is different coz of the view.

day4: started the really long drive of 5 to 6 hours to MILFORD SOUNDS.......... one the most beautiful drives , views and time of my life....though josh was car sick thru out the drive up into this wonderful place.....i tell you it was wonderful awesome and what not.......we passed lakes drove on crazy roads with bridges and ravines and waterfalls that fed these beautiful rocky streams and gushing rivers and up and up we climbed the mountains to reach this scare you to death hairpin road that went winding down into sheer beauty and nothingness.finally we went thru this tunnel dug out thru a mountain and i thought who was the crazy bugger who dug this tunnel in the middle of nowhere. once we reached the destination.......more heavenly sights awaited us on a cruise boat.......waterfalls a galore and a magnificent view kinda killed me.

day5: after this divine day we drove back to QUEENSTOWN on the way back despite the bonechilling cold without jackets josh and me actually jumped out of the car to do crazy jiggles and find out any info as to who dug and made these roads and tunnel......found out that during the depression of 1929 people migrated to this Godforsaken crazy yet awesome place to build roads and tunnel they were practically snowned in for 6 months. well photos cannot capture the beauty of these views the most beautiful picture is only telling half the story , really!!!!!!!
another fact i forgot to mention was that due to the daylight saving etc etc the sun would set at 10 pm. on the drive back in fact we stopped by this road side stream coz by the side of it we saw thousands of flowers all in lavender and pale pink which suprised me coz i was wearing purple and my scarf happened to be pale pink.....despite the fading light and dead tired bones.....we got out to capture a few shots( iam looking horrible i must say.....)but josh and me went mad we were like puppies in a valley jumping up and down....huggies trees and in general very carefree....hubby dear very indulgently carried the baby and took snaps urging us to get into the car as we were turning grey with cold......i think josh never saw the wild side of mummy coz he keep on saying mummy over there lets jump from that rock or go into the woods(secretly happy coz ever since baby came along ,mummy had turned into raving screaming looney)

day6: somehow reached QUEENSTOWN the land of the bungy jumping.......hubby dear already said he was not doing it,i thought i was but after seeing from where i was supposed to jump i thought wild horses not being able to push me off.......anyway took the cable car upto this wonderful mountain.....josh started to cry dont blame him kinda shit scary climb up.........anyway before going up josh did trampoline bungy jumping. me wanted too also but only the kiddies were doing it.......hubby thought i was nuts as i was already hacking away with a bad cough....they were also doing temporary tatoos i begged hubby dear to have one and i would join him......he looked horrified as if i asked him to dance naked or something......anyway i was going to go ahead alone when the rotten rain started to pour down ruining all sport activity coz thats what QUEENSTOWN is well known for(happy that the rain took it out of my hands otherwise i'd have to go bungy jump off mountain no way) well on the top was this wonderful view and we had a cozy lunch by the fireside...i was so frozen i was wearing a massive coat that did nothing for my figure but added 10 pounds more ....more photos for proof......anyway the rotten rain was ruining it all as the bungy jumping closed down thje only thing which was about to close was something called the "LUNGE" you went up in a chairlift i mean we were already on top of a freaking mountain how much higher were they taking you,anyway this chairlift left you on top and you went go-karting down and round and round the mountain side.....totally scary anyway...hubby dear was begging us to make up our minds as we had to start off the next leg of the journey as this was the longest drive yet 8 straight hours and the route very dangerous.......so i dared josh and took him along while my usually adventuress hubby took care of the baby.
so josh and i donned the coats but totally forgot our gloves in the car, well the rest is history... josh froze when he saw that we had to hop onto the chairlift but i made a dash for it shoutiing yippeeeeeeeee and wot not josh totally shocked that mummy was behaving in a total non mommy fashion started to yodel with me .......we stuck to each other on the way up mind you never looking down,the dizzle continued and with the wet wind in our faces reached the top the guy put josh in front and i was the driver i only registered words like brake pull and dont let go.......and off we went down the hill......the thrill and fear was too hard to describe to top it these bunch of chinese or korean people where going at snails pace blocking my way i shouted out to them and in the nick of time dodged them and went totally out of control.....josh and me started to laugh and then i realised my hands had froze and i had no contol over the go-kart...josh was like mum pull the brake and i was like josh my hands are frozen....anyway at great speed hitting everything in its way we finished the lunge......frozen josh and i climbed back but the mountain air was too much for my lungs which felt like bursting, reached the top out of breathe hubby dear got a shock when he saw me gasping for breathe anyway after 20 mins later i was okey.......and off we went to FRANZ JOSEF AND FOX GLACIER.

day7: did you know that there are only three glaciers of this kind in the world ,one in Argentina and two, the fox and franz josef in Newzealand ...............anyway this drive to the glaciers tops the cake i've no proof of this leg of the drive as the light was fading and i was literally in fear for my life................but people ,if you are serious about nature and really want to experience its beauty and fury and its scaredness and want to really feel one with God and nature...if possible hop into a car and drive through this word failing beauty......the road was winding and at places the road on the edge of precipices and dangerous ,all around you was mountains and jungles and sheer drops and on the other sheer rock face with thundering waterfalls on the road...at places we went at 10 kms per hour....and the clouds everywhere, there was a mist covering everything the roar of the waterfalls was scaring and they where too many to count. the forest , the snow peaked mountains and waterfalls sacred me.....the failing light and josh and hubby's non stop whopeeing and who haaings was very annoying coz.....here i was having a sublime spiritual experience , and thinking man is nothing and GOD who made all this is awesome and powerful and the real one in control of our destinies ..........not to mention the very loneliness and fading light started to give me the heebjeebies and i thought shit why did we wait so long should've started earlier.hubby dear was totally mad coz all he was hearing from the backseat was mutterings of soft shits! well at the time my fear was real.

friends the writeup is very long and hubs is away, without his help i cannot post pics......so i will post part two of this travel tale ......soonish lots more to share....stay hooked. love always

Greetings from the nutter

2008-01-02T00:18:00.000-08:00

Darling readers,
sorry to keep you all waiting this long .but as the saying goes" que sera sera what ever shall be shall be "

So here's to you folks have a very eventful,non boring earth shaking NEW YEAR!!!!!!! for those who need much rest and peace" 'MAY YOU FIND REST" and for ther rest may life never stop .

darling readers its here that all caution is being thrown thru the window along with the burning desire to kill the person who invented grammar coz for the few grammartically challenged people like moi....i totally detest the thing.....

anyway, people a big write up is coming your way full of fun and insightful details of my dream vaction come true "New zealand" yep thats where i went, its hard trying to get over the euphoria of it all....but 8 days of that marvellous country has done me in.......

iam really jetlagged and suffering from the worst bout of cough in my life ........so once iam well enough to put down in words how i feel about said trip and also coming up is a small writeup on the faithful new year topic " hellos and goodbyes"

so till then cheerio............................have a good one! bottoms up!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Decision.

2007-11-30T01:08:00.000-08:00

Scout was on her way out, she had decided she had enough of the boredom in her life ,to take another minute of it.
She dressed in a hurry and dashed out of the house, now that she stood on the road,the previous frenzy to get out was replaced with doubts about what she had planned to do.
nevertheless she hailed a cab, shaking off the persistent nagging thoughts that she would deeply regret her decisions.

Standing at the foot of the stairs,after carrying out her plan,she found herself staring at the ticket she had purchased,she could feel her heart beating with the exhilaration of simply following her heart, mixed with a nervous tension at the boldness of her actions.

With clammy hands and shining eyes,she headed home to pack.....she packed with a desperation that said that, if she stopped,it would be back to the good old life , that coupled with fear she would chicken out kept her awake all night.

Scout left for the airport an hour earlier than necessary,the airport somehow calmed her down, instead of a feeling of dread, she began to feel a sense of purpose, of being one with million travellers . she studied their faces wondering what stories lie behind it all. she knew they could guess but her secret was safe, they couldnt read her mind , they hadnt a clue who she was deep down, how unique and special.

Boarding the plane, was no longer the Scout who couldnt take her destiny in her hands. This Scout was different she knew what she wanted to do and wasnt afraid anymore.
The hiding was over, she was free and leaving on a jetplane, the future along with the present was her's and her's alone.
(fiction)

"Passion goes phut"

2007-11-27T03:56:00.000-08:00

Scout had nothing planned for the day.
it was going to be just another day in a series of days .
she woke up, did the usual bathroom rituals ,did the usual stuff with the kids ,checked the same ole mail on the same ole computer.

But something did jolt her out of her self-imposed state of ennui. as she casually glanced through the photos that her friends had posted online ,she came across one that was really good. and thats when it struck her,that it was staring in her face all along " photos", didnt she want to be a taker of good photographs ?!

Quickly she rummaged around the cupboard and took out the good ole camera not the usual digital one. suddenly she was energised ,ordinary things were popping out of their blurred existence into the forefront .she zoomed in and was about to shoot, when she realised nothing happened, the button was jammed aaaaaaaarrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Creativity which was speeding through her veins froze and as she slowly came to,she thought - who was she kidding and promptly went back to the good ole defence " nothing good ever happens to me!".
(fiction)

Double lives!

2007-11-21T00:17:00.000-08:00

Recently i 've been watching lots a T.V! now that the baby and josh both have to be entertained thanks to the horrible summer holidays, i just cant seem to read a book which is unheard of, unbelievable .

Anyway watching the telly during the afternoon dead zone time is a whole other experience. couple of days ago they started airing this serial not sure if it is from the 80's or 70's ,its called
"Scarecrow and Mrs king"............. scarecrow is the name of an international spy and Mrs king played by one of the original charlie's angel, is a humble suburban single mom who has two kids but leads a secret double life that of a "spy", she is very cute and intelligent and is a great mom and great spy to boot.

Now, that i've seen the lastest episode, i feel like ,wish it was really possible to lead an exciting life like her's ......use your brain for a change instead of changing endless diapers.....mrs king also travels extensively in Europe and other parts plus has a handy mother who babysits her kids while she disappears on these trips, come to think of it her boys dont seem to need attention or help, seem like properly behaved kids. me thinks blah blah its afterall a serial who in real life has such a life????? but me also thinks secretly i could be Mrs king( after i get into shape of course)

I've secretly started to think different scenerios for meself............... okey okey agree i am totally losing it. but for once wish i could lead a double life in reality and not only in my head.

Food for thought:- Mrs Datt aka Mrs King leading international spy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yeah right like that's evergonna happen!!!!!!!!! and soon pigs will fly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just a reminder!

2007-11-19T17:23:00.000-08:00

Recent events in my life have led me to believe that i've become kinda jaded and stuck in a rut.
i needed a fresh perspective or say a refresh of my belief system.
Love is a hard emotion and sometimes you might forget what it is all about.

So here it goes, a simple reminder.

Love is patient
Love is kind
Love does not envy
Love is not proud
Love is not rude
Love is not self-seeking
Love is not easily angered
Love keeps no record of wrongs
Love doesnt delight in evil but rejoices with the truth
Love protects, always trusts,always hopes, always perseveres
Love never fails.( excerpt taken from THE BIBLE, 1 cor 13:4-8)

i know that this is a high standard to follow or believe ,but its nice to try and nice to know that love afterall is much more than what it has become nowadays. love you(reader whoever you are!)

seasons of change.

2007-11-12T03:09:00.000-08:00

You have to look out of my window to understand ,how beautiful the sky looks at the moment.....all shades of blue and purple, amazing!

anyway not to lose sight, yes getting back to the title i've given this write up "seasons of change"......simply coz this year sometime in may i hit the big "30" at that time seriously all i could think was "is the baby gonna pop today" i was really counting the days before i was to give birth to my second son, joash. and believe you me life has been one thing after another.......recovering from the birth, relatives and more relatives ,illness and basically the works,last month was like "the tsunami" had hit me and i felt too overwhelmed.

today,i look at the sky and all i see is blue( code bt me and special friend) and that gives me hope......i think i did see a lot of black these last couple of weeks...maybe it was a nervousbreakdown......you know what folks, its nothing like you have to join the mental asylum and checkout mentally for a bit and you wake up alright ...no nothing of that sort its a damn whirlwind of thoughts and life keeps happening ,nothing stops.sad but a fact

I am 30 years old ,iam at the start of another milestone in my life and "i feel good" ," i feel nostalgic", " i feel scared" and "i feel damn optimistic".may the good times (and the bad)roll , its time to go back to the big bad world ......i've decided to go back to school and try my hand at being a "career woman" ( yes do i hear some guffaws from the audience) plans still not concrete but in the process...process such a positive word.

Motherhood, is really my thing .....i love my boys and to leave them in the care of others is really hard.....iam a jealous kinda mother....but iam learning to let go......hardest is the thought that i gave almost 6 years to my eldest and my baby boy who now is 5 months will be seeing less of mummy,hey but what the hell....i will be able to give them 100% quality time instead of the "nagger" iam becoming and then i dont want to be the kinda a person who lives only for their children and goes coo coo(mad) when the nest is empty(get what i mean) anyway its just a thought, but i must really do something other than obsess abt the house and planning healthy food menus....hard coz i love being at home,i know it sounds kinda 50's and not liberated...but its not simply that, i genuinely feel thats what i do best and it is" my choice".....but life changes and sometimes you need to try out new things ......

So looking forward to a new season in my life....not a new but improved moi! so here's to you life bring it on! cheers.

what horror!

2007-10-30T02:16:00.000-07:00

Guess what! as a kid i was totally nauseating i find out,no not cool at all,
my sis tells me she found a book which had some rubbish we wrote down as kids and i shudder to say this it what it says" baby pink is my favourite colour"( my pseduo intellectual brain is saying why didnt you like classic black or white ) that "secret garden " was the book i loved, well, that's not so bad.......but here's the terrible secret that is about to get very very public and i might not recover from the shame "i loved no was a great "fan" of madhuri dixit( shudder !!!!!!!!!) by the way for all you non indian readers MD is a indian actress who was very popular but now come to think of it i am horrified!
but then who cares and i dare anybody to bare their secret faux pas in public like this and not feel like a good laugh! iam laughing myself..... man who wants to be sophisticated when the really happy ones are the kids who" love pink"! see what i mean?!

Daddy.

2007-10-28T22:26:00.000-07:00

I miss my dad! having got married some 7 yrs ago ,staying away from home ,in fact in another country,has not helped........now when i go home everything seems different. Dad looked old and shrunk to me and since then his health has taken a toll for the worse, minor temors to the hand and spasms and motor skill failure in his left hand etc etc....no he is not on his death bed or anything .....in fact meds and physio have been working....not to forget dad's eternal struggle with his smoking and drinking which is driving my mom and sister insane.
But my take on the whole situation is coloured and biased and iam also distant from the daily drama of it all.
i miss him! his health issue though not as serious, have given rise to morbid thoughts .my dad is not going to live forever so on and so forth.

on the 25th this month he celebrated his 73rd birthday and this is what he said to me"dahlin 73 yrs not bad eh! not bad at all" all this on the phone by the way.
Felt like weeping ,recently when my hubs was away i wrote him a mail.i poured out my unsaid fears and thoughts regards my dad.
"Daddy pleez dont kick the bucket! pleez dont leave this world ,iam not ready for a world without you. i miss you ,i think youre the world's greatest dad! my childhood was fun because of you,you were and are the only person who has never knowingly hurt me .you were there always till i grew away from you and life happened to me. i remember forever yabbering away daddy daddy daddy,dangling my feet over the sofa and talking about books ,issues and life in general, i miss you feeding me ,i miss your hands such wonderful and beautiful hands ,i miss cuddling next to you and falling asleep counting sheep till hundred as a kid! thanks on all the boy advice and thinking i was oxford and harvard stuff when i was nothing of the kind !"
some of you must think i have a father fixation or some such horrid thing, not true....just that his not being well has unleashed all kinds a memories and i just wish i could say all this to him.
I love you daddy! youre my guy!
As one of those blasted poets said "do not go gently into the night" and some such lines .go dancing dad !remember when niru and i were kids you used to make us giggle and laugh doing that funny jiggle "shubi doobi doo i wanna be like you" well thats how iam going to think of you always.
stay safe dad and be good!
love you to death.

black

2007-10-03T04:17:00.000-07:00

the sky is torn
the blacknight ripped into pieces
heavy raindrops
fall into my soul
a storm rages
the conflict within
the rain washes away
nothing,creating
more silence,
the sky gets murky...
blue,purple,violet,black
yes black is all i see
the colour stolen from me
all remains unresolved
unsolved a mystery.(1999)

lost

2007-10-02T19:21:00.000-07:00

You,i know not
You,are not you
rescued i felt
then throttled
hijacked i was
straightjacked i am
evading like the moon
glimpses of you i see
this letting go did not
bring freedom.
captive iam within
trapped by my own whims
on an edge....on an edge
Eternally lost.(2004)

family outing!

2007-09-14T02:30:00.000-07:00

Hey finally did it! the whole family managed to go out for a long time ,not just a dash to the docs or to the supermarket ,but a regular jaunt around town!
The best part was it was nothing spectacular,i am happy coz it was really a regular normal family day out.yes there was the usual mess like me yelling at josh and deep and moi bickering over the parental guideline stuff,the baby getting a bit overwhelmed,but still overall a grand time was had by all.
we had a nice lunch together,josh almost dropped the drinks on the table,the baby always hoping to be carried, the usual toilet breaks but we managed to eat hurrah!...as the day progressed josh wet himself splashing in the wading pool,had to buy clothes for him,lucky bugger and the baby was fretting but seemed happy overall..........managed to have icecream and just sat there watching josh and deep busy splashing while the baby cooed as the breeze swayed the nearby trees,which is a biggy considering that we live on an island and it can get really sultry.
well, by the time the grumpy and tired kids not to mention kinda looney mom( that's me by the way) got into to the car for the ride back, i was very tired dying to get home,the kiddies fell asleep and i put my head back and relaxed ,the radio started to play some really nice songs..deep and me started to hum along,i felt really great.......despite all the silliness and grouchiness, it felt real good,iam glad we did it! cant wait to do it again! it felt like just like heaven!

matters of the heart

2007-09-05T02:12:00.000-07:00

Growing up,we all have our favourite cousins.i've one too..His name is Capt Armstrong, he is 38 years old,his wife is Rosy and his two kids are kenny and sherry.....all this info why you ask?! coz tommorow he is going in for "OPEN HEART SURGERY" it has scared me a bit, made me a bit nostalgic and generally we all are really concerned. my dahlin sis is incharge of the kiddies for this whole period, my home in Hyderabad is flooded with relatives and iam not there!!!!!!!!!!!!! somehow as you grow older you miss your family and relatives more than ever.
Growing up can do that ,you long for the very things ,you tried escaping all these years.
This is simply a request that all who read this say a prayer for Army!
Guy you were there for me when i was going through the teenage stuff,just want to say thank you!
iam thinking of you and praying for you!
GET WELL SOON!
your cousin
from the ten little monkey gang!

movie mania

2007-08-28T01:39:00.000-07:00

Generally i come under the people whose chief hobbies\occupation is to read,but now and then i get the itch to watch movies.... last week thats what i did.especially since hubby has joined back "De Workforce" after his life changing eye operation!
iam a force to reckon, in between nappy changes and baby feeds,not to mention with much pausing, managed to catch a few!
Watched "Notes on a Scandal" brilliant acting by both female leads.....total kudos to Judi and Cate, in fact i know a person like the dench character( ha ha its anybody's guess as regards the identity of the person,top secret!)

Next movie deserves a standing ovation for throwing a few and not so many subtle hints at hollywood cliches!"Hot fuzz'" people pleezzzzzzzzzz watch this movie,hats off to the brits for pulling off such a classy spoof! pleez watch it.....

"Thank you for smoking" another brilliant movie must watch for those who like movies but not necessarily blockbuster type...the protagonist played by Aaron eckhart was great! the character though totally unsavoury is totally gooooooooood looking! catch it if you can.
watch out for my next..."must see movie update" till then ciao!

Harry Potter

2007-08-25T22:19:00.000-07:00

The final H.P book was released on july 21st much awaited by millions,me one among them.....got hubs to pick up my pre-order book that day!( what a happy day for moi!) recently having finished the book,i sighed a relief !no longer wondering wot's happening next and wot was the fate of Harry and Lord Voldemort!
Now that the saga has ended,iam reading the entire series again,currently on book 3 "The prisoner of Azkaban"! iam in awe of J.K Rowling's brain,i mean she thought up the whole thing,very very intrigue by the working of her brains....wish i had her brains...anyway its over Lord vol, is a gonner and iam sad and happy that all good things must come to an end. I must urge
parents with kids u must read it and all kids must read it and my real advice ,all must read this series!basically "A MUST READ"
signing off
ardent fan of Harry potter!

Times a changin!

2007-08-23T01:28:00.000-07:00

Joshua my eldest recently asked me if he could go to the playground,I was sorry to tell him that i couldnt take him.
He told me he knew the way there and i neednt bother coming along!i registered horror and said no way!
Really times have changed! i'm turning into my mom...i now have offically started to behave like an adult.....i have joined the club of people that say "when i was young".......
So beginning again,when i was young ,nobody monitored my sister and me,in fact i dont recall any adults around to settle disputes between siblings or friends. simply they did not exist....we had the free run of not only the home but the entire colony, where we stayed.
What times i say! apart from stealing fruit ,we played in all weather.
Hot summer under shady trees and in rainy simply making paper boats and splashing wildly in puddles,we never lived by the sea but had no end of fun playing in the sand heaps collected for construction purposes.
my sister and me did not own a single toy,my dad thought they were bad,as did not develop a healthy imagination! He need not have worried .
We invented games ,found new games to play,if the neighbours kid got a bicycle no probs, within the week we all had learnt to ride the bike, if somebody got a board game we took turns to have fun,the games whether hop scotch or hide and seek was a mania ,till something new took its place. Just couldnt wait to get home from school!
When we were not outdoors ,my sis and me voraciously read books,nobody taught us to read ! that is why ''To kill a mocking bird'' is my all time fave....we had a similar childhood!
Not denying part of it was "quel d'horror"!
i just wish josh was as free to go anywhere,that all these new fangled toys and unsafe times did not exist.The other day an aquaintance told me he had bought his 3 yr old an ''X BOX'' really that tops the cake!!!!!! just sad! simply sad!
anyway not to fear, iam working on a foolproof plan to make sure josh gets a healthy dose of imagination and that his childhood is just as fun!

straight from the heart

2007-08-17T21:31:00.000-07:00

Totally n utterly down.
The final straw - i got a bad case of the runs!!!!! why me and why now?!.....past few days have been a total agony.....i cant eat coz iam purging so much,but the real downer is the baby is suffering ,no milk you see.....the baby is crying his head off refusing to take substitute bottle feed! what can i do?! nothin ,zit,zero,kuch bhi nahi.....my head is spinning with fatigue and weakness!
Just when i think,finally after 3 months it will be me,hubby and kids,things have started to go wrong......like really out of control.
The day after deepu leaves...hubby dear has to go for his eye operation....got two kids plus unwell hubby....can i seek help noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo o.
I dont want to be the mom who says see wat all i have done for you! coz i already know the answer to that....who asked you to have kids??!! right right, ure totally right kiddo...mom's a dumbass, forgive my lang! by now dear reader you might have guessed that i m having mini breakdown and have no control over the outpouring !
Well,i feel sanity returning and a wish to delete all,but i say why should I? Who do i think reads this crap? wish i am sounding like an angst rid soul...like meryl streep in ''the hours"! or atleast not like a damn crybaby! anyway my sis always thinks i am a high drama queen....i totally agree.
Who do i think i am? virgina ##$%*** woolfe? ya right!!!!!!!!!!!!!

men , gizmos and hypocrites

2007-08-13T01:40:00.000-07:00

seriously wot is with men and talking about electronic goods.
i dont know about people back home in India ,but surely in Singapore people are nuts!!!
They are either always talking about these many gb's or those many g.bytes .....or wots the config on your phone....wot is the megapixels on your camera and so it goes....worse yet the prices are skyrocketing and still the fools are trading in one model for another!!! hello! when is this stopping ???? sorry to say even the women are into this stuff(shoulda seen me with my new phone!!) but nothin tops the guy talk around THEGOODS!!
Here if conversation is dead mention the word," phone" and the dumbest of dummies will talk!
Well, here's an example of the heights of the mania.my friends bro-in-law,recently had to buy this really really expensive looking toaster....right there in the shop ,the wife and him started arguing,she something like wot do you need a toaster for? you dont even know where the bread is???!!!,the hubby was going but i need it,you dont understand!!....finally after much bullshitting,he blurted out that the only reason he needed to buy it was coz its "bullet-proof"!!!!!!(yes you can laugh now!!) and the rest of us are like ya next time you or somebody are going to jammu and kashmir or cambodia dont forget to bring it along for protection!!!ha ha ha (this by the way is a true story)
Well, so much for making a point....when we buy our own home(hopefully soon...hoping hubby is reading!)i want just similar looking obscene things around me!dont go wagging a finger at me,its just time to jump on the bandwagon,dont want to be the last among fools!its just that i want to be an enlightened fool!

a dove and a gift

2007-08-07T03:24:00.000-07:00

i am in love again. nothin i can do about it...like the kiddo in the movie"love actually" says the total agony of being in love.you guessed right with joash (joey for short) my baby! .Joey is now 2 months old and i havent been really out anywhere,not even to church!
Yesterday my friend tina called to ask whether i would be coming to the saturday gathering(which happens every week!) i said that i couldnt,the truth to be told i was making excuses simply coz, Cheryl who was preggie along with me lost her baby when she was almost due. her eldest like mine is around the same age and our second ones would be friends too,or so we thought!i dont know how to deal with this devastating incident? i cringe from meeting her! i cant meet her all snug and in love with my bundle of joy and throw it in her face??!!!
They had decided to name the baby "callum" which means Dove! beautiful right!
Two days ago i was a wreck ,no sleep,constantly feeding,cleaning.... it was getting to me and then bang the phone rang and now i know i cant put off facing Cheryl anymore nor can i be depressed coz while i am going through a tough time,
I've a feeling Cheryl would give anything to be in my shoes!
so while her "Dove" went back to perch on God's own rainbow! i'll thank God for his Gift!and continue to deal with the total agony of being in love! i pray for healing for her and an added dash of courage and strength for both of us.
Bye bye Callum you were loved!

the tree hugger

2007-08-03T00:48:00.000-07:00

here iam once again with my ohhhhhhhhh so vague yet personal crap....so when i say tree hugger pleez dont mistake me for an eco friendly,green peace ,earth loving ,wanting to change the world kinda person.when i say a tree hugger i simply mean that i used to hug trees....

i've a strange relationship with trees, all my life they've featured pretty regularly.my granny's place had mango and guava trees...which we simply climbed when we wanted a fruit,my aunt's place had the hugest(is that a word?) mango tree! really sprawling...every summer when we stayed over for the holidays ,the cousins and siblings would play under its shade and yes !eat a lot of those yummy oh so juicy mangoes.at home in our own backyard we had a huge neem tree and under the thorny lemon bush like tree ,my sis and i played house house(wonder why we said it twice) as kids we were a real wild bunch,just before summer finally arrived there would be these strong summer showers which would make the first crop of summer fruit fall as the windbuffeted the trees,we vagabonds would run and collect a whole lot of fallen fruit off the roads before the rightful owners could get at them.......i know its wrong but stolen goods do taste so goooood!!!!!.the place we lived during my preteens and teens had these marvellous trees all around . the chiku tree which leaned into the balcony wall,was the fave spot for both my sis and me to hide and think or cry and brood as and when teenage stuff happened to us. my fave spot was on top of the guava tree ,perched on top of the tree i could spy on the people coming and going...this tree was very strange in shape ,one of the branches was very low and also formed a sort of bench on which i could sit and hug the tree,the hugging was for all sorts of reasons sad,happy,ecstatic,to clear the mind and definitely to be consoled!.....i dont know if you've tried hugging a tree but its very cathartic....(pleez dont judge or fear for my sanity i am not nuts.)recently i was waiting for the signal to turn green,as i was waiting i looked up and on the side on the road was this beautiful huge tree .just looking at it made me feel very peaceful and calm...i wish the land was not getting smaller and the buildings so tall....its blocking the sky,the view and most of all taking up all the space for the trees to grow.......somedays i get very down for no reason, they say its the baby blues...whatever it is!! if you come across a person hugging a tree..you"ll know its me coz iamthe" tree hugger". soon very soon i shall be scouting around for a tree! the one right across the park ,about now is starting to look real good!!!! so see you around ! next time instead for a cuppa why not join me for a tree hug.

the connecting door!

2007-08-01T22:46:00.000-07:00

10 years we lived in this dilapadated house .yet for all its flaws...it had a quaint charm.its where i spent most of my preteen years not to mention the place where most of the interesting things in my life happened.somehow i have a fond attachment to the door that connected the downstairs with the upstairs.i call it connecting but say more of an entrance from one house to another. when we first moved there,our landlord's daughter,a toddler then would come to the door and bang it, till either me or my sis would stick our fingers under the door gap so that she could touch them.it felt great! a couple of years later another family moved in. we made another lot of friends ....so when the parents went out,we kids would open the door to play and us teenagers would make secret phone calls....yes this was before the invention of the pain in the butt cell phone!!!wot silliness we would get up to calling people with fake names and generally feeling all grown-up!another fews years down and another family moved in....and the door became a secret portal at night for all nighters before exams and late night rendez-vous during our college breaks! they dont make such houses and doors anymore...people have no time to enjoy the simple things of life....my kids are growing up in a world of pressure,adults have turned into pseudo intellectuals...who are into wine and the good life. sad to say iam part of this shitty system too,so for now i will close my eyes and recall those happy happy days .when all it took to smile was to open that connecting door.(get one now!)

the things i miss the most!

2007-08-01T05:46:00.000-07:00

my baby is excatly 2 months old !!! and the things i have taken for granted i must say are a lot!....heres the list, which by the way is growing everyday.
1.sleep!
2.shitting....i hear you laughing???well would you choose to shit or attend to a baby who is crying??
3.sitting down and eating! not with family ,not leisurely but on the go...specialist say must chew your food slowly while enjoying it..i am assuming its also done sitting....i say they dont know abt the real world..so stuff it!
4.having a bath....have any of you tried keeping the door open...with a chilly draft....rushing out half lathered with soap coz the baby is yelling its head of ???
5.going out without packing baggage as if you are going on
a trip!
6.watching telly without interruptions and i dont mean the ads!
7.cutting nails??? now we are talking luxury stuff!
8.goin to the movies, hell goin anywhere!
9.hubby who says iam comin home soon....dyin to spend time with you and the family!!!i know its a good one! ha ! ha!
10. well!! not finishing your mails or blogs coz of baby!!! yes you're right off i go!!! (baby calls now!)
see ya later with the latest updates!!!!

friends

2007-07-28T06:37:00.000-07:00

the thing i like about friends is the fact that unlike family,spouse and children......they're eternally on your side even when they dont agree and even better for some strange reason even when we dont deserved it are totally great on being there for us....................this is for the unsung heroes a.k.a friends in my life........dahlins iam eternally grateful to you all......to jeanne thanks for being you....you r the other part of me which remains secret.....to kellin my dearest i wish i had your optismism and i think you r one of the few who i call the best person in the world......to lydia thanks for the daily chats....thanks to you i have a daily shrink!!!
for appu for being my muse and for enigmatically and intellecutally stimulating me....not to mention entertaining me......i love you forever! to tara...who amazes me with her strength for making it on her own and yet being so gentle and creative..........to shanthi you are a class act...ever so cool even after three kids.for being so innovative and for showing me loving need not be hard...to niru my sis no strike my friend ha for the things we've done and been thru........nobody will ever understand our insides like we do! dad love you for being my best friend till i got married...love you to death my only idol! and to all those friends who read this thanks!!!!!!signing off with the song...."i've got a friend in you" going thru my head!

chicken65

2007-07-28T06:11:00.000-07:00

this was during my post graduate days.....i was a day scholar and like the rest of them craved to stay at the hostel .once every month the hostel folk got to choose from a special menu which also served meat which in india translates to chicken,anyway one of the dayscholars came from a vegan family(in india those who follow brahminism dont eat meat as they donot like to harm animals its against their religion) but she loved to eat meat on the sly,so one of our classmates would sign in for an extra dish of chicken65 (a delicacy in india....) for her, on the pretext of research work our vegan friend would stay overnight in one of our friends room and enjoy chicken65.....well to cut to the chase....our vegan friend got a bad case of the runs and couldnt attend uni...the doctor was summoned and the short end of it was in front of her father the secret was out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!her father's jaw hit the floor and a silent war broke out....she was put on a diet of bland food ,she couldnt bear the sight of another bowl of yogurt rice(indian cure for upset stomach)and complained to her mother.....her father who overheard the comment broke his silence just to say....."well why dont you eat me...iam sure i will taste great"ha ha isnt that funny!!!in india parents are really melodramatic and yet a law unto themselves...anyway the reason why iam writing this is coz i bumped into this friend recently after 7 years and it triggered a whole lot of memories and laughs.....what i wouldnt give right now for a hot plate of chicken 65 and a whole lot more of my vegan friend..who by the way still eats meat on the sly.